EXT. LONDON. DAY.
Sweeping aerial shot of London, establishing the city in all its glory.
EXT. SOUTHWARK BRIDGE. DAY.
We swoop down the Thames to find a svelte figure on the bridge hailing a
INT. CHURCH. DAY 2
SHAZZER, early forties, and her folk singer husband FERGUS, scurry down
The church is packed with people we might recognise. A few literary and TV
celebrities amongst them. Shazzer spots JUDE, now a pillar of married
respectability, her husband GILES and their tiny baby. They take the seats
INT. CHURCH. DAY.
BRIDGET JONES enters the church. Sheís older than when we last saw her,
forty three to be exact, slim and elegantly dressed. She takes a deep
breath and collects herself. Bridget spots Jude and Shazzer and heads
towards them. Shazzer greets her with a big hug.
SHAZZER: How are you feeling, you OK?
BRIDGET: Yes, but I still canít believe heís gone.
REVEAL - at the front a portrait of DANIEL CLEAVER.
ANOTHER REVEAL - The congregation consists mainly of ludicrously
attractive, glamorous women, all weeping.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): His death seems to have hit the Eastern European
teenage modelling community particularly hard.
JUDE: They found the flight recorder but still no bodies.
SHAZZER: Yep, in the Australian outback. And strangely fitting that he
died going down in the bush.
A random guy, JOHN, takes his place next to Bridget. A hush descends and
the service begins.
A dour looking Minister assumes the pulpit.
MINISTER: Dear friends, we are gathered here to celebrate the life of
Daniel Vivian Cleaver. Daniel was a kind and wonderful son, a loving Uncle
and brother, a fantastic friend...
SHAZZER (aside to Bridget): A selfish but gifted lover?
Bridget gives a little smile, but then stops in her tracks.
BRIDGET: Fuck. What the fuck is he doing here?
We see MARK DARCY enter at the back of the church. A little older, a
little greyer, but still just as handsome.
As Bridget takes this surprise in, she sees an attractive woman, CAMILLA
take his arm.
JUDE: You know what heís like, wanting to do the decent thing.
SHAZZER: Is that his wife?
JUDE: Sheís pretty.
BRIDGET: I mean, yes, conventionally, I suppose.
SUDDENLY DARCY LOOKS OVER.
Bridget, aware of Darcyís gaze, grabs onto random Johnís arm.
BRIDGET (CONTíD) (whispers): Sorry, Iím just very emotional.
Darcy looks over, she pretends not to see and affectionately brushes the
fluff from a bewildered Johnís shoulder.
Darcy faintly but discernibly registers this.
John tries to shake himself free. Bridget struggles to cling on to his arm
but John uncouples himself, and Bridget is left solo. Darcy glances over.
MINISTER: I would now like to invite his loved ones up to share some of
their memories of Daniel.
Shazzer gives Bridget a nudge, as if to say go on. Bridget contemplates
the idea as a glamorous young woman gets up from the front pew.
BRIDGET (whispers to Jude): You know he could be very sensitive, he could
make you feel like you were the only woman in the world. I remember when
he took me rowing on the Serpentine and quoted Keats by heart.
ďWhere be ye going, you Devon Maid? And what have ye there in the
Bridget drifts off in fond reverie. The glamorous young woman stands in
GLAMOROUS YOUNG WOMAN: ... ďYe tight little fairy just fresh from
the dairy, Will ye give me some cream if I ask it?Ē
In the front pew several more young women look at each other awkwardly,
clearly sharing exactly the same memory.
Bridget, Shazzer and Jude all laugh, they canít help themselves. The
rest of the congregation look at them disapprovingly.
Mark and Bridget make fleeting, but definite eye contact, as he catches
her mid gorgeous, life-affirming laugh.
Bridget then looks sadly at the portrait of Daniel at the front.
MINISTER: Would anybody else like to say a few words?
No one else in the congregation stands up. After a nudge from Shazzer,
Bridget gets up.
BRIDGET: Daniel was a man who touched many of us, here today, including
There is a small, slightly awkward pause, but she continues unabated.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Right now, if Daniel were here, he would have told me
to ĎShut up, Jonesí and he wouldíve been right. All I really need to
say is, I miss you, dear Daniel. We all do. Thank you.
INT. CHURCH. DAY. LATER.
The congregation is leaving. At the back of the church Bridget says goodbye
to her friends. As she turns, she finds herself face to face with Mark
Darcy and his wife.
MARK: Camilla, my wife. Bridget Jones, my... an old friend.
BRIDGET: Less old... more childhood.
BRIDGET/CAMILLA: Hello. Hello.
Awkward pauses all round.
BRIDGET: Nice memorial... as memorials go. Almost makes one look forward
to oneís own.
Camilla just stares at Bridget strangely.
MARK: Right. Yes. Well. Goodbye.
BRIDGET: Yes. Goodbye.
They part in opposite ways. At the last moment, Mark looks back.
AMY WINEHOUSEíS ĎMY TEARS DRY ON THEIR OWNí kicks in.
TITLE: BRIDGET JONESíS BABY
EXT. SOUTHWARK BRIDGE AND SOUTH LONDON STREETS. DAY.
Bridget walks across the familiar bridge.
BRIDGET (V.O.) Here I am Bridget Jones, one day short of 43. Of the two
loves of my life: one is dead and the other is married.
She walks on...
BRIDGET (V.O.): Still, not to dwell on the negatives. Many positives to
note. Am down to ideal weight! Am 685 days without a single cigarette. Am
hitting government target for recommended intake of alcohol. 2-3 units per
A good looking man clocks her and takes her in as she walks - she smiles
to herself once he has passed.
BRIDGET (V.O.): Have top job as producer of award winning intelligent
persons news programme. Bridget walks through the now fashionable Borough
Market. She passes the smallest Italian restaurant in the world, and waves
at GIANNI, the owner.
BRIDGET (V.O.): AND... have foot on Londonís property ladder in
now-fashionable Borough Market...
EXT./INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. CONTINUOUS
She trips up over a brand new, unused bicycle in the hallway. Looks at it
guiltily. She enters her sitting room just as a fast train bullets past
the windows, shaking the walls.
BRIDGET(V.O.): ... cleverly acquired just before the new-improved
transport links. And even though I am still single, I have NOT acquired a
Then she opens a Ďfunnyí birthday card featuring an old lady and a
cat. She enters her make-shift office and goes to the shelf where her old
diaries are. She rifles through them to find a photograph of her and
Daniel, which is placed between the pages. She looks at it mournfully
before her eyes settle on the diary entry on the page behind the photo...
ďReasons why Mark Darcy and I could never workĒ followed by a list of
INT. BEDROOM. BRIDGETíS FLAT. NIGHT.
Bridget lies in her bed.
On one bedside table is a pile of serious political tomes and on the
other, some self-help books. ďSpinsterhood is the new FeminismĒ,
ďJog yourself HappyĒ, A 5:2 diet book with an empty Kit-Kat wrapper on
top, and on the floor in a pile of dirty clothes ďThe Life Changing
Powers of TidyingĒ She opts for none of these, and picks up her iPad
with a red cover and types.
BRIDGET (V.O.): If today has taught me anything, itís that life is
short, youíve got to seize the day, stop making the same mistakes, stop
looking back and... and not be dissuaded by the very simple fact that the
future, seems to be somethingÖ
Suddenly the screen goes black. Bridget drags a charger and a stray bra
tangled in the wires across the floor. Plugs it in. She then tries to get
back in bed with the iPad, but realizes the lead is just too short to
BRIDGET (V.O.): ... that happens to everyone else whilst I am still
scrabbling around for an iPad charger.
She attempts to lean out of her bed and continue to type, but realizes
itís too awkward and uncomfortable.
BRIDGET (randomly): I mean, itís not like we even had that much in
common when it came down to it.
She gives up and switches off her light.
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. EARLY NEXT MORNING.
In the near darkness. Bridgetís phone rings loudly. She bolts up out of
MUM (O.S.): Hello darling, itís Mummy. Just wanted to wish you a happy
Bridget fishes around for the TV remote control and flicks on breakfast TV
- a clock on the corner of the TV screen.
BRIDGET: Mum, itís 6.00am!
Bridget studies her phone curiously.
MUM (V.O): Iím doing The Facetime, Una taught me, itís really
CLOSE-UP - Bridgetís phone - there is an extreme close-up of MUMíS
BRIDGET: The point of Facetime is that you donít have to hold it to your
Mum removes it from her ear, the camera swings round to reveal Dad sitting
on the loo, oblivious.
MUM (O.S.): This time forty three years ago I was having a lamb Biryani in
an attempt to coax you out. Twenty-three hours of labour. I was never the
same again down there, but Iíve hardly ever regretted it.
Bridget half listening. An Ad for an internet dating site called Qwantify
just audible: happy cartoon couples meet and kiss, voiced by real couples
whoíve found love on the net.
MUM (CONTíD): Itís a miracle, the gift of childbirth. Penny Husbands
Bosworthís son sells his sperm on the internet. You donít even need a
INT. MUMíS BEDROOM. SAME TIME.
We see there are flyers with Mumís face on them lying on a bedroom
MUM (CONTíD): And some people have marvellous lives without them. I
mean, look at you! Youíve got a nice flat, a great career, a nice
BRIDGET (O.S): Iím putting the phone down now Mum.
DAD emerges from the bathroom.
MUM (holding up phone to Dad): Say Happy Birthday to Bridget.
Dad hurriedly covers his naked torso.
DAD: Happy Birthday to Bridget.
MUM: I love you darling. Donít forget Iím counting on you to head up
my media campaign.
BRIDGET: Mum, itís the Parish Council election, not the U.S. Primaries.
Bridget hangs up.
BRIDGET (V.O.): At least no one at work knows itís my birthday.
EXT/INT. HARD NEWS TV STUDIOS. DAY.
Bridget strides into the studio, ready for the day.
Bridgetís face falls as she sees her office is filled with people. A PA
holds up a card which says Ď43 TODAYí in huge letters. Someone else
holds out a toy tombstone that says ĎBridget Jones 1973-2016í.
BRIDGET: Oh God, oh God. Who told you?
MIRANDA, a gorgeous, thirty-something friend of Bridgetís and presenter
of the show, steps forward and takes a selfie with her.
MIRANDA: Guilty. Thought it would cheer you up. Hashtag ĎBridgeís
Bridget looks horrified as SUSAN the pregnant Floor Manager brings up a
cake emblazoned with forty three candles for her to blow out.
SUSAN: So hot... so many candles.
They start to sing ĎHappy 43rd Birthday to youí as the Floor Manager
continues to hold the cake up.
Then mid-song the fire alarm starts to go off and then the sprinklers
RICHARD FINCH, Bridgetís fifty-something-but-trying-to-look-younger
boss, pops his head through the studio backdrop.
RICHARD FINCH: Who the fuck set the sprinklers off?
INT. HARD NEWS. CORRIDOR. DAY.
Bridget is striding down the corridor - a woman at the top of her game -
West Wing style - with two young, deferential assistants JOSH and LAURA
striding alongside, hanging on to her every word, taking notes.
BRIDGET: Josh, I want you to see what Reuters are saying about the attacks
in Ramallah. I might need a live link. And Laura, tell Adam Iíll be in
to check the human trafficking VT.
JOSH and LAURA peel off and MIRANDA joins her.
MIRANDA: So, how will I be changing the world today?
BRIDGET: Well our main feature will be the exclusive interview with the
Foreign Secretary about NGochi.
As she says ďNGochiĒ- she does it with the authentic African click.
MIRANDA: OMG, how do you do that? N-Gochi, N- Gochi.
She tries but fails to do the click.
MIRANDA (CONTíD): You are so good at that.
BRIDGET: I know, Iíve really been practising, ďNGochiĒ.
They go backwards and forwards ďNGochi-ingĒ at each other.
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIOS. HAIR & MAKE UP DEPT. DAY.
Bridget and Miranda continue to talk as Miranda is primped and preened by
a hair and make-up woman, CATHY.
Cathy tries to NíGochi too. They are all at it.
CATHY: Oooh, itís harder than you think.
BRIDGET: Itís all in the throat.
MIRANDA: And after ďNGochiĒ...
She gets it right and high fives with Bridget and Cathy.
MIRANDA (CONTíD): ... how do we plan to celebrate tonight?
BRIDGET: Night out with the gang.
MIRANDA: Please say that involves group sex.
CATHY: I know a smashing little club for that, just round the back of
BRIDGET: Chance would be a fine thing. Iím beginning to think Iíve
passed my sell-by-date. Iím like an old packet of custard creams, all
mouldy and crushed.
MIRANDA: Nonsense. There are names for people like you now Bridge,
youíre a cougar, a MILF.
BRIDGET: Iím not a MILF, Iím not even a Mum. Iím a spinster, Iím a
SUSAN comes in.
SUSAN: Three minutes until weíre on air.
Cathy has jotted down details. Hands them to Bridget.
CATHY: Itís called Voyeurz, with a z. Tell them Cathy sent you. If you
go on a Thursday, thereís a Chinese buffet. All you can eat... as it
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIO GALLERY. DAY.
Bridget takes prime position at the desk in the gallery in front of all
the monitors. She slips on her microphone.
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIO. FLOOR. DAY.
Miranda takes her place on set, slips in her ear-piece.
FLOOR MANAGER: Twenty seconds to air.
HARD NEWS TITLES RUN.
Miranda continues to talk to Bridget through her microphone.
MIRANDA: Anyway, far too many women are wasting their lives having babies
in their thirties and forties when they should be getting on with their
FLOOR MANAGER: TEN, nine, EIGHT, seven, SIX, five...
Miranda suddenly changes character - into impressive Emily Matlis-type
MIRANDA: Hello, and welcome to Hard News.
MIRANDA (CONTíD): Tonight, more attacks in Ramallah, we go live as the
world asks is it time for the UN to intervene?
FOOTAGE RUNS so they can go on talking.
MIRANDA (CONTíD): You didnít by any chance freeze your eggs?
BRIDGET: God no, I imagine theyíre hard boiled by now.
MIRANDA: You know what Bridge, this weekend we need to go out and engage
in some seriousÖ
BONG - BACK ON AIR.
MIRANDA (CONTíD): Binge drinking; A dangerous scourge on society. Is new
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIO. GALLERY. NIGHT.
RICHARD FINCH enters.
RICHARD FINCH: Bridget, Miranda, Iíve told you not to talk between the
Without looking up, they both give him the finger. Richard exits the
MIRANDA: The Foreign Secretary will be live in the studio to talk about
the looming crisis in Muribundi.
MIRANDA (CONTíD): Or you could always try online dating again.
BRIDGET: Those dating sites are just full of married men wanting affairs.
MIRANDA: No, Iíve met all sorts of men. The other night I was on Tinder
and half an hour later Iím in a three way with...
BONG - BACK ON AIR.
MIRANDA (CONTíD): Prince Andrew; The Royal Special Representative for
Trade and Investment has written his first childrenís book.
Two young, hip and serious-looking professionals glide into the back of
the studio; power-dressed ALICE PEABODY and her assistant. She watches
MIRANDA (CONTíD): But first, live in the studio Iím joined by Foreign
Secretary, George Wilkins, who has just returned from war ravaged
Muribundi, where the assassination of bloody dictator, Charles Ngochi...
She canít help but look pleased with herself.
MIRANDA (CONTíD): ... has resulted in civil war. Minister, was this a
GEORGE WILKINS: The signs are that Ngochiís own generals did take him
out in a bloody way, yes...
INT. GALLERY. DAY.
Bridgetís mobile rings. It reads TOM. Bridget picks up.
BRIDGET (hurriedly, whispering): Hey Tom. Canít really...
TOM: How was the service?
Bridget checks Miranda. She seems to be doing fine.
BRIDGET (to Tom): Well, Itís just sad. I canít believe heís gone
Miranda hears Bridget in her earpiece.
MIRANDA (to Minister): Well, itís just sad. I canít believe heís
GEORGE WILKINS (somewhat bemused): I donít think there was a great deal
of sadness at his passing, even by his most loyal
followers. His persecution of the Unbutu people amounted to genocide.
Thatís well documented.
INT. GALLERY. SAME TIME. DAY.
BRIDGET (to Tom): I know he had his
faults, he could be a massive arsehole. But I miss him. We all do.
MIRANDA (to Minister): I know he had his
faults. He could be a massive arsehole, but I miss him. We all do.
The minister, clearly confused, but trying to play
At the back of the set, Alice takes notes.
GEORGE WILKINS: Well, he was a colourful character on the
worldís stage, I give you that. But I think the genocide along with his
eugenics programme resulting in the deaths of over 10,000 of his own
people, men, women and children, put him on the wrong side of...
BRIDGET: At least he was never boring.
MIRANDA: At least he was never boring.
GALLERY. SAME TIME.
Bridget signs off to Tom and puts down the phone.
Thinking everything is going well, she now starts paying attention to the
BRIDGET (to Miranda): Do you think a spirit of democracy can carry over into West Africa now
MIRANDA (to Minister): Do you think a spirit of democracy can carry over into West Africa now
Back on course!
GEORGE WILKINS: Now that IS an
interesting question. Finally.
Bridget looks very pleased.
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIO. GALLERY. LATER.
Richard and Miranda stand in the gallery.
RICHARD: Thank you Miranda and Bridget, you couldnít just behave
yourself when the new management team were here?
BRIDGET: Theyíre the management team? I thought they were the interns.
Richard points to the floor and Peabody.
RICHARD: No, thatís Alice Peabody. New Brand Manager. Apparently Hard
News is too old fashioned, too serious, and sheís the smiling assassin
sent in to sack anyone older than her.
BRIDGET: Everybodyís older than her. Iíve got cans of soup in my
cupboard older than her.
RICHARD (to Bridget): You should watch your back.
MIRANDA: They wonít sack Bridget. She rescued this show, she made it
relevant. She made us award winning! And as a result she has no life.
Because everyone has mercilessly abused the fact that she is a lonely,
single, childless SPILF who works all hours.
BRIDGET: Thank you Miranda.
RICHARD: Look at them all with their apps and their ironic beards.
MIRANDA: Maybe one of them will give Bridget some sex.
RICHARD: Does Bridget need sex?
MIRANDA: Yes. Which is why Iím taking her on the girlsí weekend to
beat all girlsí weekends.
A rap on the glass door makes them all whirl round. Itís Alice Peabody.
Richard looks at the studio floor confused.
ALICE: Bridget, isnít it?
Alice looks her up and down, slightly witheringly.
BRIDGET: Yes. Pleased to...
ALICE: Team meeting tomorrow morning. We can do introductions then.
Alice sashays out, Bridget does a pantomime Ďscared faceí behind her
back as she walks away, Alice turns on her heels and catches Bridget at
it. Bridget disguises it as something else, but fails.
ALICE (CONTíD): 9 a.m. We should all start an hour earlier from now on.
EXT. OFFICE. NIGHT.
Bridget leaves with Miranda.
MIRANDA: And youíre sure you donít want to come out with me and my
BRIDGET: Thanks, but I canít let the old gang down. Theyíd be
Bridget switches her phone on after work and a flurry of texts come
through. Miranda heads towards the bike racks.
She reads a text from SHAZZER: ĎHappy
Birthday. Sorry Bridge, but canít get a Ďsitter tonight.í
Bridgetís phone pings again. She reads a text from JUDE. A vomiting
emoji, four BABY FACE emojis and a SAD FACE emoji.
A third ping. TOM: ďWhere are you? Get your freak on, bitch?Ē
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Thank God for the gays!
INT. GYM. STROBE CYCLE. NIGHT.
Bridget enters a strobe-lit gym, almost tripping over. A large sign reads
STROBE CYCLE. Loud, gay club anthems bang out.
TOM O.S.: Okay ladies, click in.
TOM, at the front of the class, on a spinning cycle. Heís manning the
record decks while simultaneously cycling and speaking into a head-mic.
TOM: Whatever fears, whatever insecurities youíre bringing in with you
today, I want you to take those fears and tell them to FUCK THE FUCK OFF!
An adoring, pumped up crowd of lithe young female bodies furiously
pedalling. They whoop. ďAlright!Ē. Bridget struggles to click her
shoes into the pedals.
TOM (CONTíD): THIS moment is about YOU, your body, your dreams, your
The musicís pumping up to a crescendo.
TOM (CONTíD): Are you ready for this? Are you ready for this?
The women yell orgasmically. The music swells.
TOM (CONTíD): Now. Ride, sexy bitches, ride!
And the women rise from their saddles and pedal like fuck. Tom sprays
water at them. Bridget looks like she might have a seizure.
INT. GYM. NIGHT.
Tom waving off the last Strobe Cyclist. Bridget, exhausted, barely able to
BRIDGET (wheezing): It will take me three martinis to recover and you are
TOM: About that. Iím so sorry Bridget. Iím going to have to blow you
Bridget masks her disappointment.
TOM (CONTíD): The thing is... I didnít want to have to tell you this
Eduardo and I are adopting.
BRIDGET: Adopting what... a baby?
TOM: No, a new stance on illegal immigration! Yes, a baby, or a gayby, in
BRIDGET: Oh Tom, this is fantastic news!
She gives him the biggest hug.
TOM: I didnít want to say anything because we always do our ďweíre
pointless-empty-husks-sticking-togetherĒ thing. And I love that. But
truth is... if Iím being honest, I feel itís important for me, in
myself, to start caring for someone other than me. And well, it looks like
weíve been successful.
TOM: Weíre going to Bogota to start the official paperwork and Iíve
got to pack.
BRIDGET: Itís alright. Go! Go!
Bridget is left alone on a bicycle.
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. NIGHT. DARKNESS.
Bridget, alone, lights a candle on a single cupcake. She pours herself a
glass of wine and reaches for a cigarette in an old packet on top of the
cupboard. Then thinks better of it. The radio plays, ďAll By MyselfĒ.
BRIDGET: Oh fuck off!
She flicks it off.
INT. ST. PANCRAS STATION. DAY.
The station concourse is thronging with commuters.
BRIDGET (V.O.): Must not dwell on why the biological clock, though clearly
ticking, has not compelled me yet to Colombia, or Olly Husbands
Bosworthís sperm, or even into the arms of inappropriate men met on
Internet. Always thought Iíd find love of my life and then baby would
follow. I may be old of womb, but will remain young at heart. Will start
to embrace life in manner of thirty-something friends like Miranda, who
donít seem to care about settling, or babies, or ticking clocks.
We tilt up from a pair of Hunter wellies, cut-off denim shorts, a
backpack. Miranda makes her way across the concourse to meet Bridget.
We tilt up from a pair of elegant high-heels, a smart dress and a giant
wheelie suitcase. Bridget spots Miranda.
BRIDGET: What the fuck!
EXT. MUSIC FESTIVAL. DAY.
Miranda and Bridget enter the festival. Bridget is wheeling her smart
suitcase through the mud with little success. There are posters everywhere
advertising bands or specific tents and wherever there is a sign it
features a ĎSPONSORED BY QWANTIFYí logo.
MIRANDA: I didnít tell you because I knew you wouldnít come. Anyway,
itís not camping, itís Ďglampingí.
BRIDGET: Putting a ĎGlí before it doesnít make it any better.
Calling him Gladolf Hitler wouldnít suddenly make you forget all the
MIRANDA: Come on Bridge, itíll be fun. What you need is a good shafting,
some good old fashioned, lie-back-and-think-of-England bonking. Festivals
are sexual free-for-alls, itís like Sodom and Gomorrah, with tofu.
Bridget looks at her.
MIRANDA (CONTíD): Seriously. Itís been five years. You need to get out
of this self-imposed purdah youíve been in since you split up from ďhe
whose name shall not be mentioned.Ē
BRIDGET: Rubbish, I barely think about him.
MIRANDA: Prove it. The first man you meet, you have to sleep with.
BRIDGET: The first man?!
MIRANDA: Iím not taking no for an answer. Weíve got backstage passes,
weíll be rubbing shoulders with rockstars. And weíve got yurts. I got
you this... in case of an emergency.
Miranda holds out a loo roll and 2 plastic bags, One Lidl, one Marks and
Spencerís - Bridget grabs the M&S bag.
A DREAD-LOCKED GUY approaches Bridget with a suspicious wrap.
DREAD-LOCKED GUY: Meow meow?
BRIDGET: Woof woof. (To Miranda) Iím not sleeping with
Behind him is a poster advertising the literary tent, with a picture of
JACK QUANT - the caption reads ĎAlgorithms Change The Worldí.
MIRANDA: (to Bridget) Iíll get the backstage passes. You find a map.
She strides off. Bridget heads in the opposite direction. As she walks her
heels gets stuck in the mud and as she steps forward, she leaves it
behind. She tries to go back to grab it, but the other heel gets stuck,
and she is caught in what is effectively the splits, unable to extricate
herself from her shoes.
After a struggle she pulls one of the heels out.
JACK O.C.: Thatís exactly why I didnít wear my heels.
Reveal JACK QUANT, an insanely handsome 45 year old American.
JACK (CONTíD): May I?
He lifts the floundering Bridget out of the mud, rescues her heel and
places her safely at the top of the little hill. He places her shoe back
on her foot.
JACK (CONTíD): It fits!
Bridget laughs, faintly embarrassed.
BRIDGET: Thank you... I...
Miranda appears waving wellies and shorts. She shouts.
JACK: Is that your wicked stepmother?
BRIDGET: I should go, or sheíll have me sweeping fireplaces all
afternoon. Nice to meet you...
Sheís already heading off.
JACK: Itís Jack...
EXT. CAMPSITE. DAY.
Bridget and Miranda faced with a hundred identical yurts.
BRIDGET: Right. Which oneís ours?
INT. YURT. DAY.
Miranda and Bridget open the door to reveal one bed.
Miranda breaks out a bottle of vodka - hands it to Bridget, who tucks
EXT. FESTIVAL BAR AREA. DAY.
We track along a row of themed bars, where Bridget and Miranda are downing
every cocktail, real ale and vodka shot, and as they Ďcheersí each
other, they shout
INT. EDM DANCE TENT. DAY.
Bridget and Miranda are dancing away like dervishes amongst the
ridiculously young crowd to a thumping dance track, having the time of
their lives. There are people in Zorb balls on the dancefloor. Bridget
shouts across to Miranda.
BRIDGET (Gleeful): Itís 2.30 in the afternoon! I should be hoovering!
INT. BACKSTAGE. DAY.
A tipsy Miranda and Bridget are backstage having fun by the bar.
BRIDGET: This is incredible, we have to get a photo.
Bridget turns round to find somebody to take a photo of them. She taps the
person next to them at the bar on the shoulder.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Excuse me, would you mind if we asked you to...
He turns round - REVEAL - itís ED SHEERAN.
ED SHEERAN: Of course not, total pleasure.
Bridget hands Ed the camera and he then places himself in the middle of
Bridget and Miranda - who just stare at him like heís insane. There is a
MIRANDA: What on earth are you doing?
ED SHEERAN: I thought you wanted a picture.
MIRANDA: We did! Of us!
BRIDGET: Yes, terribly sorry, we thought it would be fun to have a picture
of us backstage among all these glamorous people. I think thatís the man
from ĎCash In The Atticí, it would be great if you could get him in
ED SHEERAN: Right, and you donít want me in the picture at all?
BRIDGET: We just wanted you to take a selfie of us.
He attempts to make a joke to lighten the situation.
ED SHEERAN: Well then it wouldnít be a selfie, would it? It would be a
Miranda just stares at him witheringly, then grabs back the phone.
MIRANDA: And an attitude to boot! Is it really so difficult?
They walk away leaving a shocked Ed Sheeran hanging.
MIRANDA (CONTíD): Honestly, they let any riff-raff backstage nowadays.
As they walk away Bridget turns around and exchanges a smile with him.
BRIDGET: I thought he was kind of cute. He looked very familiar. I think
he works in the Starbucks in Balham.
INT. EDM TENT. DAY.
A tipsy Miranda and Bridget are looking lost. They spot a tent.
MIRANDA: Letís go to the Mantra tent next, thatís where FKA Twigs is
BRIDGET: Great! I love him... her... them?
INT. LITERARY TENT. DAY.
An INTERVIEWER sits on stage opposite Jack Quant. Behind them a bank of
screens bearing the ĎQwantifyí logo.
INTERVIEWER: Since floating his empire which includes the online dating
site Qwantify, internet philanthropist Jack Quant, hasnít sat still. He
has just written a New York Times bestseller QWANTUM LEAP... (holds up
book) And heís also sponsoring this festival.
A round of polite applause.
INTERVIEWER (CONTíD): But it all began with the strum of Cupidís
The audience laughs.
JACK: Well, it began with a broken heart. Dating seemed irrational, so I
wanted to see if the mysteries of human attraction could be broken down
into something mathematical.
Suddenly a rowdy Bridget and Miranda bound into the tent assuming itís
MIRANDA: Wooo, fuck yeah!
All heads turn as Bridget and Miranda stop in their tracks.
JACK (looking directly at Bridget): I believe there is someone out there
for everyone... if we just ask the right questions and apply the laws of
The audience listen intently.
MIRANDA: Come on letís go. Who wants to do maths at a festival? Letís
BRIDGET (whispering to Miranda): Letís stay... heís interesting.
Bridget forces Miranda to sit down in two empty seats. Back on stage Jack
has the crowd rapt.
INTERVIEWER: And now youíve moved from matchmaking to global business
JACK: Yes, that same algorithm has helped bring together the worldís
most needy with the worldís most wealthy.
As if to illustrate this point, behind him photos of cocoa farmers in
Columbia switch around the screen to match with chocolate factories in
Switzerland; Yak farmers in Tibet with coffee houses in San Francisco.
MIRANDA (shouting out to the crowd): BORING!
JACK: Okay. I get it, you donít want to talk about algorithms at a
festival. So let me show you how they can be... sexy. Take out your
Murmured curiosity as the audience take out their phones. Jack reaches
into his pocket and takes out his own.
JACK (CONTíD): Take a photo.
Jack takes a photo of himself, taps on the screen and uploads it. At once
his ludicrously handsome photo appears with some of his answers
It reads - Jack Quant Ďinterests - Environmentalism, Trekking, Lady
JACK (CONTíD): Now quickly answer a couple of questions.
Miranda takes out her phone and hurriedly fills out the questionnaire. She
takes a photo of a resistant Bridget.
MIRANDA: Iíve put down that you like French cinema - itís
sophisticated and slutty at the same time.
Miranda takes a snap of herself.
JACK: Then upload it to the Qwantify website and the results should start
coming up on the screen behind me.
More and more photos upload from the audience. Suddenly a photo of Miranda
appears - she looks amazing. Then one of Bridget - she is slightly out of
focus, mouth open.
JACK (CONTíD): French cinema, huh? Slutty and sophisticated.
As more pictures appear he comments.
JACK (CONTíD): Itís science, youíd be foolish to resist it. (ALT)
This could be the start of something special, or at least a quick fumble
in a sleeping bag. (To guy with white hair & beard.) Ooo, there you go
Gandalf, seems youíre not the only one looking for a ring.
The good looking couple are matched.
JACK (CONTíD): Now you guys would have good looking babies.
A pair come up who both have as one of their interests - Ďnights in on
The girl does the Ďcall meí motion.
JACK (CONTíD): He doesnít have to call you, heís literally here.
Various other photos appear with captions. INTERVIEWERís picture comes
up with - ĎSocial Anthropology, Sunsetsí.
A quiet marvelling as more and more photos upload from the audience,
coming together, aligned in Ďcouplingsí.
The INTERVIEWERíS photo attaches to a particularly attractive woman, his
eyes light up.
Miranda flushes, now matched with a rather odd looking man sitting to her
JACK (CONTíD): Remember what happens at the festival, stays at the
festival, unless it goes on Instagram then 300 million people can see it.
Miranda grabs Bridgetís arm. A rather earnest looking man with a very
old plastic bag in his hand smiles at Bridget. She looks back at the
screen. Theyíve been matched.
JACK (CONTíD): Never question the algorithm, see there really is someone
Bridget and Miranda get up and edge out of the tent.
Suddenly on screen, Jackís photo is matched with Bridgetís and the
earnest man is knocked down to a photo below.
Jackís eyes fall back to where Bridget was sitting. Sheís gone.
JACK (CONTíD): Guess I scared her off.
EXT. FESTIVAL. NIGHT.
Ed Sheeran belts out the iconic and brilliant ĎSingí. The crowd love
him, so do Bridget and Miranda.
Bridget, now loving festival life, jiggles on top of Mirandaís straining
MIRANDA: Oh my god.
BRIDGET: I know... Itís the guy from Starbucks!
Miranda bucks Bridget off her shoulders. As she is crowd-surfed over the
heads of the fans, Bridgetís image appears on a multitude of screens
flanking the stage.
Miranda is in her bra inside a giant inflated zorb ball rolling around.
INT. YURT. NIGHT. LATER.
Bridget crashes into the pitch black yurt, laughing. She rips off her
dress, flops into bed, exhausted.
BRIDGET: Iíve got to admit, that was fun.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): You know what, youíre right, what I need is a good
shafting, some good old fashioned, lie-back-and-think-of-England bonking.
JACK: Sign me up.
Bridget sits bolt upright, startled. Jack puts on the light, smiles gently
BRIDGET: Oh my god... how? (Genuine
surprise) What are you doing in my yurt...?
She looks around and sees all his things scattered.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): With all your possessions, and clothes, and luggage...
JACK: Yup, itís almost as if Iíve come in and made it my own, right?
Bridget takes another look at Jack.
BRIDGET: Oh my god, youíre the algorithm guy.
JACK: And wait, itís you, the creature from the black lagoon, who likes
French cinema, right?
Bridget smiles at him. Jack scoots across the bed to make space.
JACK (CONTíD): You donít really expect me to believe you accidentally
crashed into my yurt, do you? But since youíre here and obviously
looking for a mate, maybe I can help you.
Bridget laughs. Damn heís hot.
INT. FESTIVAL TENT. NIGHT.
Ed Sheeran performs an unplugged version of ĎThinking Out Loudí to a
rapt small audience.
As he sings a giant Zorb ball with Miranda inside, rolls gently into the
INT. JACKíS YURT. NIGHT.
Bridget is lying on her front on the bed, facing Jack as he fills in the
Qwantify questionnaire online. Their faces illuminated by the screen.
BRIDGET: I thought you said a few questions.
JACK: Nearly there. Do you believe in God?
BRIDGET: Only when absolutely necessary. When facing major illness and/or
when stuck in a lift.
JACK: Have you ever eaten anything off the floor?
BRIDGET: Usually after applying the fivesecond rule, but not if itís
JACK: Have you ever done anything youíre ashamed of?
BRIDGET: Well, I pretended to be disabled to get to the front of a Duran
Duran concert; I watched ĎDirty Dancingí eight times in one day, and
had sex with Olly Husbands-Bosworth in my Dadís old Renault.
JACK: Iím running out of space... Would you sleep with someone on the
There is a long pause.
BRIDGET: Tricky... but on reflection... quite possibly... yes. (Beat) Does
it count if youíve got money on it?
JACK: Depends how much?
BRIDGET: Terms were not officially agreed but it went along the lines of
my friend betting me that I had to sleep with the first man I met.
JACK: And was I? The first man?
JACK: You might have just lost your bet.
He leans forwards and kisses her.
BRIDGET: Are we finished with the questions?
JACK: A couple more.
Things are heating up. Jack kisses her again.
JACK (CONTíD): I need to know what things you arenít prepared to do,
just to make absolutely sure I donít offend.
He starts to kiss her neck.
JACK (CONTíD): Is this off the agenda?
BRIDGET: A hundred percent. Iím not that kind of girl.
JACK: Right. So I presume this is a no-no?
He reaches round to undo her bra.
BRIDGET: Without question.
JACK: Excellent. Iím really beginning to paint a picture of the kind of
girl you arenít.
BRIDGET: Do you think you may have found me a match?
JACK: Iíll have to run the numbers but Iím pretty hopeful we can find
someone within your criteria. Itís looking like a 97 percent match.
Although would you mind an American?
BRIDGET: An American? Sounds terrible...
EXT. FESTIVAL PORTALOOS. NIGHT.
Miranda is now in the giant zorb ball with Ed Sheeran. They roll down a
hill and straight into the portaloos, two of which they knock over.
INT. YURT. SUNDAY MORNING. DAWN.
Bridget wakes with a start. Turns. The other side of the bed is empty. She
looks around blearily, she sees her phone to check the time and there is a
text from Miranda. ďWhere are you?Ē
With a panic Bridget jumps out of bed and grabs her clothes.
EXT. YURT. LATER.
Nobody is awake. Itís been raining and the field is a swampy, muddy bog.
Bridget, in a flap, jumps out of Jackís yurt, lands in a boggy patch and
canít extricate her Wellington boot. Panicked, she simply takes her foot
out and runs off with one bare foot.
EXT/INT. YURT. MORNING.
Jack returns to the yurt with coffee and croissants. He sees the empty
bed. Looks outside again where he sees the abandoned Wellington boot. He
extricates it from the mud and looks at it wistfully.
EXT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. SOME DAYS LATER.
Bridget exits her flat hurriedly with a poorly-wrapped toy. Shazzer and
her twins, RUBY and SPIKE (5) wait by Shazzerís car. Shazzer oblivious
as Bridget slips two blue fizzy Haribo bombs into their mouths. They smile
at her in delight.
SHAZZER: So it lasted six hours?
BRIDGET: At least.
Ruby shouts over.
RUBY: What lasted six hours Mum?
SHAZZER: Erm, a puppet show Auntie Bridge went to...
INT. CAR. DAY.
They pile into the car.
SHAZZER: Six hour puppet shows. And were they little puppets or...
BRIDGET: Very nice sized puppets.
SHAZZER: And did he... (struggling) put the puppets in your mouth?
The children look very confused. Bridget nods.
SHAZZER (CONTíD): God I feel like my days of puppet shows are behind me.
Iíve never even had 2 puppets at a time, had a mile high puppet show...
And has he called? Itís been a week.
BRIDGET: Thatís not how it works now. You just hook up with rugged
troubadours at music festivals and there are no strings. Puppets with no
INT. COUNTRY HOUSE HOTEL. BEDROOM. DAY.
A chic, expensive room. JUDE dresses her 6 year old, POPPY, whilst talking
on speaker into her iPhone. They both have frightful colds. Giles is in
the background getting ready.
JUDE: Where the fuck are you?
The child watches her mother carefully and expressionlessly before
sneezing wetly all over her.
INT. CAR. LONDON TRAFFIC JAM. DAY.
The car in stationary traffic. Shazzerís childrenís mouths are agape
at hearing the swear word.
BRIDGET: Speeding through lovely countryside.
SPIKE: No weíre not, why is Auntie Bridget lying...
INT. COUNTRY HOUSE HOTEL. BEDROOM. DAY.
JUDE O.S.: Youíd better be.
Jude lifts up Poppyís dress and looks at her severely.
JUDE (CONTíD): You are not going to a christening without wearing
INT. CAR. DAY.
BRIDGET: We are wearing knickers.
SHAZZER: Speak for yourself.
JUDE: Bridge, I thought you should know, after Tom dropped out, Giles
asked Mark to be the godfather, the prick.
BRIDGET (Horrified): He did what?
JUDE O.S.: I know he really is a useless cock, did it without asking me.
INT. COUNTRY CHURCH. DAY.
The service is already underway. Bridget, Shazzer and the kids come in at
the back of the church.
BRIDGET V.O.: Oh fuck, fuck, fuck.
A roiling sea of smug-marrieds and their offspring fill the pews. Shazzer
and the kids duck into a pew, leaving Bridget to run the gauntlet,
tottering down the aisle to the font where the christening party is
waiting for her. The baby is crying.
BRIDGET (CONTíD) (Muttering left and right): Sorry, sorry, sorry!
POPPY stands beside a cross-looking Jude as Bridget approaches.
POPPY (repeating her motherís words): Where the FUCK were you?
Bridget gets a frosty reception from Jude, Giles and the VICAR. She
acknowledges Mark Darcy. He gives what looks like a disapproving nod in
Irritably, Jude hands Bridget the baby. It immediately stops crying. The
baby loves her.
EXT. COUNTRY CHURCH. DAY.
Bridget and Darcy still havenít had a chance to speak. Jude, Giles,
Bridget and Darcy are lining up for photos.
Bridget is still holding the baby who is sleeping peacefully. MAGDA and
JEREMY, friends of Bridgetís, are there with three ill-behaved boys in
MAGDA: Look at Bridget - sheís a natural.
JEREMY: Need to get a move on though. Mind you, that woman in Italy had a
baby at 65.
Magda nudges him, smiles apologetically at Bridget.
BRIDGET: Number one on my to-do list!
JEREMY: Want a hand?
Magda hits him. Mark looks awkwardly at the floor.
PHOTOGRAPHER: OK, can I just have the godparents now?
The rest of the congregation peel away, leaving just Mark, Bridget and the
baby. In an alternate universe...
MARK (stiffly): So, how are you?
BRIDGET: Very well, thank you? And you?
MARK: Well. Yes. Thanks.
Mark is incredibly uncomfortable and awkward around the baby.
BRIDGET: Are you here with your wife? Iím sorry I canít remember her
MARK: Camilla. No. She er... no. Couldnít make it. Are you with anyo...?
BRIDGET: No. Not... today... No.
She trails off, busies herself with the baby.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Come on itís not a funeral. What about a couple of smiles
from you two? Maybe give her a little kiss on the forehead?
Darcy leans over to give Bridget the most awkward of pecks on the
PHOTOGRAPHER (CONTíD): Thatís lovely, but I was talking about the
BRIDGET (tries to break the ice): We should probably just acknowledge that
this is unbelievably awkward, no?
BRIDGET: This? You and me holding a baby, you know, since well... you
MARK: Right, yes, put like that...
He doesnít get a chance to elaborate because Jude interrupts.
JUDE: Bridget, they want to get a photo with you and me and the baby.
BRIDGET: Yes. Good.
MARK: Well. Iíll see you later I shouldnít wonder.
BRIDGET: Yes... unless I try and make a break for it with this thing.
Healthy babies can fetch a fortune on the black market and I desperately
need a new boiler. (Talking to the baby) Shall we sell you? Shall we?
The baby chortles back at her. The photographer looks horrified, Mark
INT. DRAWING ROOM. HOTEL. DAY.
The party is well underway. Darcy stands with a group of fathers including
Giles & Fergus. Bridget is wandering around followed by a
crocodile-line of kids. Darcy and Bridget pretend not to notice each
On a band of mothers, all talking to a HEAVILY-PREGNANT WOMAN, GINNY.
Bridget tries to sneak past.
WONEY: Here she is. Everyoneís favourite godmother. How many godchildren
BRIDGET: Running into six figures, Woney.
WONEY: Better hurry up, though!
Bridget grabs a fork from a passing tray and stabs it into Woneyís arm.
BRIDGET: Do you think it hasnít crossed my mind?
BACK TO REALITY.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Good advice. Thanks.
GINNY: You know there was a woman in Italy who had a baby when she was 65.
BRIDGET: Wow, I did not know that.
GINNY: Ooh! There she goes! Sheís kicking me!
BRIDGET: And who can blame her?
The women stare at her.
BRIDGET: With all this noise and excitement.
GINNY: Do you want to feel?
BRIDGET: No, Iím okay
GINNY: I really donít mind. Feel. The. Bump.
BRIDGET: Oh. Right. Okay. (does so reluctantly) Ahh. Lovely. Wow.
Bridget, all smiles.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Excuse me, must go and get er... impregnated.
As she leaves all the women watch her and ĎAaahí in patronising
INT. OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM. DAY.
Bridget and Mark arrive at the bar simultaneously. Mark gives her a polite
smile as two efficient bar-people reach them.
MARK: Hello again.
MARK: How are you?
BRIDGET: Iím very well thank you. How are you?
MARK: I am fine.
BRIDGET: So am I. Well good bye then.
MARK: Good bye.
They turn away to a separate barman.
BRIDGET: Give me a glass of
wine. Big, big glass.
MARK (To his barman): And a whisky. Double.
They go off in opposite directions. Drinking fast.
INT. TV ROOM / CORRIDOR. HOTEL. DAY.
Mark spots Bridget who is heroically trying to stop Magda and Jeremyís
three ill-behaved boys and Shazzerís twins from killing each other in
order to get a turn on the iPad.
BRIDGET: Zak, your Mum said thirty minutes. Off! Now!
BOY ONE: Wait! Iím about to shoot the pimp!
Bridget looks at the screen horrified as the boys kick and thump each
other. The youngest winds Bridgetís hair around a Thomas the Tank
Engine. Suddenly the child is hoisted away as if by magic. Bridget sags
MARK: Thatís no way to treat a lady, boys. Here, look.
Mark picks up the iPad and sits on the floor. The boys cluster around it.
MARK (CONTíD): Right, vigilantism is no solution, let the police deal
with the pimp, heíll face a minimum of eight years in custody, assuming
no previous, and how about you all sit round and watch this thing with
cows in space...
Bridget rises to her feet, watching. The boys, absorbed in this new film,
have forgotten she exists. Mark speaks without looking up.
MARK (CONTíD): Iíd go while the goingís good.
Bridget walks away. She stops behind a flower display and looks back at
Mark patiently watching a film with five irritating children.
MARK: See thatís the first issue right there, cows with opposable
INT. HOTEL. NIGHT.
We find Jude fast asleep in her hotel room, with the baby next to her.
INT. DANCE FLOOR. HOTEL. NIGHT.
Dancing has started - a kind of kid/adult disco affair as children run
around drunk adults. Giles & Fergus are DJing badly.
The music playing is GANGNAM STYLE.
Bridget - by now quite merry and wearing Poppyís fairy wings - still has
the toy train wound into her hair. Sheís dancing with all the children,
and doing all the horsey-ridey moves. Despite the silliness of the dance
Bridget is in her element, she knows the dance really well and is
mesmerizing, a strange combination of graceful, sexy and fun.
Mark Darcy stands aloof, a bit tortured, observing, inadvertently rapt by
her. Bridget, mid dance, spots him looking alone and after a momentís
pause ĎGangnam Stylesí over.
BRIDGET: Iíd ask you to join me, but Iím pretty sure youíre not a
real Gangnam Style kind of guy.
MARK: I was only there very briefly.
Bridget looks puzzled.
MARK (CONTíD): What are we talking about?
BRIDGET: Gangnam? Dancing.
MARK: Ah, I see. Not the suburb of Seoul.
BRIDGET: Iím not familiar with Gangnam the suburb.
MARK: It literally means Ďsouth of the Han riverí. It was inhabited as
early as the Paleolithic period.
Bridget stops dancing.
BRIDGET: Right, it suddenly seems so much less catchy.
Fergus, on Ďthe decksí spots them together and immediately changes the
tune. Something lovely starts to play.
FERGUS O.C.: Now a little something for all you lovers out there. Weíre
entering the Ďerection sectioní.
A shout rings out over the crowd.
SHAZZER O.C.: Donít say fucking Ďerectioní at a christening.
MARK (to Bridget): Shall we get some air?
They walk outside.
EXT. TERRACE. HOTEL. NIGHT.
Mark leads Bridget to the terrace overlooking the moonlit lake.
MARK: I donít suppose you have a cigarette?
BRIDGET (Shocked): No. I gave up. 691 days ago.
MARK: Not that youíre counting...
BRIDGET: Since when did you smoke?
MARK: I donít. Itís been a tense time. And maybe Iím nervous.
They stop and stare at each other.
MARK: You have a train in your hair.
BRIDGET: I am aware of that.
MARK: Seems to be stuck. And is this... cake?
MARK: Technically more of a dessert than a cake, I suppose.
Mark starts getting the train out.
Suddenly he pulls her to him. They kiss. She pulls away.
BRIDGET: What are you doing? Youíre married.
MARK: No Iím not. Well I am. Weíre getting a divorce. Thatís why
sheís not here.
BRIDGET: But you were there together at Danielís memorial?
MARK: No, she was just there to be supportive. Sheís gone back to
The Hague. Where sheís now living and Iím not.
BRIDGET: Mark. Iím so sorry.
MARK: Right at this precise moment, Iím not sorry at all.And he pulls
her to him and kisses her again.
INT. PARTY ROOM & HOTEL RECEPTION. HOTEL. SAME TIME. NIGHT.
The dance floor is crowded with Mums, Dads and children miming the actions
to YMCA. Bridget and Darcy leave the party, their eyes locked on each
INT. MARKíS BEDROOM. NIGHT.
Mark tries to undo the many tiny buttons on her dress, it takes a
ridiculously long time. They both start to laugh.
MARK: How the fuck am I meant to get in here?
INT. MARKíS BEDROOM. LATER.
The familiar trail of clothes and undies leads to the bed. Mark and
Bridget are having sex.
BRIDGET: Mark Darcy. Wow.
INT. MARKíS BEDROOM. LATER.
Mark and Bridget happy, content, post-coital.
MARK: Were you faking not having an orgasm?
BRIDGET (Sheepish): Uh huh.
MARK: Why do you do that?
BRIDGET: So you wonít stop.
MARK: God. Iíve missed you.
Markís iPhone alarm goes off. He reaches for it.
BRIDGET: Are we on schedule?
MARK: Sorry. Itís gone off early. Iíve got a flight to Damascus
He turns over and goes back to sleep. Bridget looks at him.
INT. AIRPORT. DAY.
Bridget waits for Mark at arrivals. The arrivals board reads
ĎDAMASCUSí. He doesnít appear. Bridget anxious.
INT. RESTAURANT. GIANNI'S
Bridget is at a candlelit table ordering. Mark is outside the window on
BRIDGET (to herself) Happy anniv...
Mark waves an absent minded finger at her, talking into his phone. She
points to something on the menu and he gives her a thumbs up, still on the
INT. AIRPORT. DAY.
Bridget waits for Mark at arrivals. The arrivals board reads ĎBASRAí. He doesnít appear. Bridget anxious.
INT. MARKíS HOUSE. NIGHT.
It is Markís birthday. Bridget has prepared a spectacular birthday meal,
with balloons, candles, flowers. Sheís dressed in an apron. She hears
someone at the door. She opens it to Mark. Simultaneously the camera pulls
back to reveal a wide shot of: Bridget from behind, ENTIRELY NAKED.
Markís four work colleagues appear in the door behind him.
INT. AUDITORIUM. DAY - FLASHBACK - LATER.
On a podium, looking gorgeous but professional in a posh frock, Bridget
accepts the award for ĎDaytime Television News Producer of the Year
2010í from a well known presenter. She heads off the stage and back to
her seat with her impressive-looking award.
EXT. TATE BRITAIN. DAY - FLASHBACK.
Large banners outside the building announce the ĎBRITISH DAYTIME
Bridget stands alone on the steps of the imposing building. She is holding
her award. She is looking up and down the road, as if waiting for someone
to arrive. The last of the eventís attendees trickle down the steps, one
or two of them congratulating her as they pass.
Finally, she walks down the steps, alone and sad, and stands waiting on
At the sound of a car, she looks up and smiles with relief and delight, as
if seeing someone she knows.
INT. MARKíS HOTEL ROOM. CONT.
At that moment Markís mobile lights up. We see a text flash up from
Camilla (complete with photograph): ĎCall me. Xí.
Bridget reflects. She gives him a tender kiss on the cheek before
gathering her clothes and leaving.
INT. COUNTRY HOUSE HOTEL. DARCYíS BEDROOM. DAY.
Morning light flutters across DARCYíS lids.
This is met with ominous silence. He looks around and deflates as he spies
a note on the bedside table.
BRIDGET V.O.: Iím so sorry, Mark. Had to leave. This probably sounds
pathetic but I got scared. Weíve been here once before... and Iím not
sure either of us are ready to go through it again. We always loved the
fantasy of us. But the reality, as we both know, is quite different.
CLOSE on MARKíS face.
EXT. ALBERT BRIDGE. MORNING. TIME PASSING SEQUENCE.
On four different days over the eight following weeks, Bridget wobbles to
work on the new, unused-before bicycle. She canít filter into the
traffic. She dings her bell.
BRIDGET V.O. (CONTíD): Must keep trying something new and frightening
each day, like finally plucking up courage to ride bicycle through scary
urban streets which we now call village. And will - as always - throw
myself into my work.
Bridget happily cycling along the busy road. Smiling at her achievement.
Pull out to reveal a LONG LINE of honking cars and trucks stuck behind
EIGHT WEEKS LATER.
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIOS. BOARDROOM. DAY.
Alice Peabody is addressing the assembled staff of Hard News.
Richard Finch sidles in looking every inch the hipster with full beard and
moustache. He smiles smugly at Aliceís hipster assistants.
ALICE: Itís called Ďnewsí because it should feel new, otherwise it
would be called Ďoldsí. Last night our top three stories were
twenty-three dead in the Middle East, boring, Earthquake in Asia, seen it
before, car crash on the M5, blah blah blah. We are making Ďoldsí. We
need to flip the switch, mix it up. I want to nutri bullet the shit out of
Richard leans across to Bridget and Miranda.
RICHARD: Sheís on the warpath. Susan the Floor Manager has gone. She was
37 for Godís sake.
BRIDGET: She was 6 months pregnant!
Alice Peabody confers with an assistant about the powerpoint presentation.
ALICE: We need to grab the attention, get eyes on screen, we need stories
like, is your sofa bed giving you cancer? Is your freezer giving you
BRIDGET: And are they?
Alice is annoyed at this challenge.
ALICE: Literally no evidence, but youíre missing the point. Youíre
intrigued arenít you? I want to launch Hard Newsís rebranding with a
clear new, objective. We have a presentation in twelve weeks at the London
Media Show and I need someone dynamic, innovative and focused to lead the
charge. Any volunteers?
In a fit of enthusiasm Bridget thrusts up her hand, she is the only person
to do so. Everybody looks stunned, including Alice, who chooses not to
ALICE (CONTíD): Anybody at all? ...
Still, only Bridgetís hand remains aloft. Miranda leans over to her and
MIRANDA: You do realise this is extra work for no money.
ALICE: Do you need the loo Bridget?
BRIDGET: No, I want to volunteer. (Then unconvincingly) Hashtag
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. EVENING.
The TV is on in the bedroom. Mark Darcy is on the news. He is outside the
Supreme Court in his Barristerís garb, standing with four female punks.
Bridget stops what sheís doing and looks at the screen somewhat sadly.
TV NEWS V.O.: The all female punk band, Poonani, who have already served a
prison sentence in their native country for criticizing their President,
are now being accused of fraud and face extradition from the UK.
Mark addresses the assembled press.
MARK: This case isnít about fraud. Itís about freedom of speech. We
shall use the full force of the British judicial system to ensure that
P... (He canít bring himself to say the name) these artists are
entitled to exercise that freedom in the twenty first century...
Bridget is putting on her jeans. She canít fasten them.
BRIDGET V.O.: Hashtag letsjustwaitasecond and launch into presentation as
soon as I corral increasingly worrying middle-aged spread.
Bridget is skype-ing Shazzer on her laptop in her sitting room as she
googles p.e.r.i.m.e.n.o.p.a.u.s.e. A frenzy of websites: Hotflush.com,
SHAZZER: So youíre what?
BRIDGET: Peri Menopausal. The symptoms are ĎMemory lapses, mood swings,
weight gain. For some women this can begin as early as thirty five.í
Weíre a biologically oppressed race!
SHAZZER O.S.: Before you become too oppressed, letís rule out some other
options. Youíre not pregnant, are you?
BRIDGET: Of course not! I always carry condoms in my handbag and I made
them use mine!
She pulls out the condom-box from her bag and examines it. Itís crumpled
SHAZZER: Oh god, you didnít use those weird Vegan thingies?
BRIDGET: Bio-degradable and dolphin-friendly. If Iím going to be slutty
itís nice to think at least itís helping the environment.
SHAZZER: Christ Bridget, I remember when you bought those things, that was
She looks at them closely - the sell by date says USE BY September 2010.
BRIDGET: Sell by dates donít mean anything, do they?
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIOS. MIRANDAíS OFFICE. NEXT MORNING.
CLOSE UP on a draw full of pregnancy tests.
Miranda hands one to Bridget.
MIRANDA: They were a gift. Donít ask...
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIOS. LADIES TOILET. DAY.
Miranda stands outside a toilet cubicle talking to Bridget inside.
MIRANDA: Tumbling rapids, frothing waterfalls, a babbling brook... She
turns on the taps as we cut to a pensive Bridget sitting on the loo.
BRIDGET V.O.: So here I was, weeing on another stick, thinking back over
all the times I feared it was positive, or negative, wondering what I
wanted this time.
Bridget and Miranda look at the pregnancy test stick.
CLOSE UP. A blue line appears.
MIRANDA: I think thatís a positive result.
For a moment, both of them are in stunned silence.
Miranda shakes the stick.
BRIDGET: Donít shake it, youíll hurt the baby.
MIRANDA: The babyís not in the sodding stick, Bridget. Well the good
news is youíre not having the menopause.
Bridget looks at Miranda - she canít believe it.
MIRANDA: This is when you are meant to leap for joy.
BRIDGET: I am?
MIRANDA: Youíre pregnant. Youíre pregnant! Youíre going to have a
BRIDGET: Yes. (With a genuine smile) A baby.
Alice Peabody marches in, and in a panic Miranda sweeps the test from the
sink tops into a rubbish bin to hide them. Alice heads into a cubicle and
a panicked Bridget fishes the test out of the bin.
BRIDGET (CONTíD) (Whispers to Miranda) That is no place for a child of
INT. GALLERY. HARD
NEWS STUDIO. DAY.
Miranda and Bridget in whispered discussion, aware that Alice and her team
are hovering in the background.
MIRANDA: You donít have to keep it...
BRIDGET: Donít I? Maybe thatís a good thing? Is it?
MIRANDA: Bridget, do you want a baby?
BRIDGET: I donít know, but Iím 43 and it might be the only chance
Iím going to get.
MIRANDA: One broken out-of-date condom... I might have believed it was an
accident but two? You wanted it.
BRIDGET V.O.: Maybe I did?
INT. ANTE-NATAL CLINIC. WAITING ROOM. DAY. 2 MONTHS.
Bridget sits in a full waiting-room. She flicks through a Hello magazine,
stopping at a double page wedding feature.
BRIDGET V.O.: This is not how I thought this moment would be. I thought I
would be with the square-jawed love of my life, I imagined him returning
home from work in a suit to the joyous news. Breathe. Stay calm, whole
world about to change.
INT. ANTE-NATAL CLINIC. DAY.
Bridget is sitting with DR. RAWLINGS who is holding up a chart. Bridget
consults her iPad.
BRIDGET: So which of the times with me and my wonderful man do you think
we might have got pregnant on?
DR. RAWLINGS: Does it matter?
BRIDGET: Well, yes! Itís such a special moment! We want to know which
one it is so we can treasure it.
DR. RAWLINGS: Canít you treasure both of them?
BRIDGET: We will and do, of course, but surely one of those dates is more
likely than the other?
DR. RAWLINGS: Actually Day 10, his birthday, is a bit early and Day 16,
BRIDGET: Ö after our anniversary dinner.
DR. RAWLINGS: Ö yes. Is a bit late. Are you sure there wasnít another
treasurable occasion in between?
BRIDGET: Quite sure because - he was away for a few days - heís such a
busy bee! Always on business trips. So which of the two would you go
DR. RAWLINGS: No idea. Both equally likely. Couldíve been after the
events because as you know, sperm can live for several days after
Bridgetís eyes bulge.
BRIDGET: Couldnít you just have a guess for me?
DR. RAWLINGS: No.
BRIDGET: Just pretend youíre putting money on a horse?
DR. RAWLINGS: Certainly not.
BRIDGET: What about the first scan then? Will that show when conception
DR. RAWLINGS: No. Call this number to fix a date for it. And do bring the
father. If you can work out which one he is...
Bridget is caught.
BRIDGET: Right. Just out of interest...
DR. RAWLINGS: Yes?
BRIDGET: If someone did have an element of confusion
about who the father wasÖ
DR. RAWLINGS: Ö you can get DNA from the baby at the amniocentesis. And
I do recommend that you have the amniocentesis. There are always more
risks with a geriatric mother.
BRIDGET: Geriatric? Thatís outrageous.
DR. RAWLINGS: Indeed.
BRIDGET: Unless it means they can sign on for their pension and child
support at the same time.
Dr. Rawlings laughs.
INT. BRIDGETíS BEDROOM. DAY.
Bridget sorts through her underwear drawer.
BRIDGET V.O.: Where ARE they?
She produces a pair of the almost full body spanx, they extend from knee
to just under the breast.
BRIDGET V.O.: Here they are! The constrictors! Must prove to world,
Bridget Jones can do this. Independent career woman, single mother. Must
prove myself as key millenial attractor.
Bridget now with full body spanx on.
BRIDGET V.O.: Hashtagletsdothis!
INT. HARD NEWS OFFICE. DAY.
Bridget is at her desk as Alice marches up. Bridget spots her and puts on
her best Ďconcentrating faceí, focusing on her computer.
ALICE: Hi, so I just wanted to connect, check how the presentation was
BRIDGET: Uh, huh, yup. Totally on top of it, nutri bulleting the shit out
Alice screws her face up.
ALICE: What?... Iím relying on you Bridget. I need you to get
this right. Understand?
BRIDGET: One hundred percent. You can count on me.
As Alice sashays off, Bridget lifts up her bin and vomits into it, then
puts it down as if nothing has happened.
EXT. ST.PANCRAS FOUNTAINS. DAY.
Shazzer and Tom are happily drinking al fresco as Bridget nurses an orange
juice. Bridget furtively sniffs Shazzerís wine as Tom shows them
pictures of his Colombian baby on his phone. In the background an outdoor
experimental puppet show is taking place. Shazzerís children are
watching the show.
TOM: Eduardoís still out there, heís so excited about being a Dad.
Bridget and Shazzer Ďooh and aahí at photo.
SHAZZER: Speaking of which have you told your Ďfathersí yet?
BRIDGET: Yes, of course. Do I? What if Iím too much of a coward? No,
TOM: Or at least one of them. Get their DNA and you can eliminate one of
them from your enquiries.
BRIDGET: This isnít CSI St. Pancras... Which one do I tell? What would I
even say to Mark? ĎHello Mark, I was just passing by, I know I left you
asleep etc etc. But I donít suppose youíve got any blood, sperm or old
fingernails lying around?í. And Jackís a bloody billionaire. Itís
not like I can just ring him up or give him a friend request on Facebook.
Shazzer is busy googling him on her phone.
TOM: I canít believe you
slept with a gorgeous billionaire. If you need his DNA, Iím totally
prepared to extract it for you.
BRIDGET: Why couldnít I have just shagged a bloody plumber? Heíll just
think Iím another awful gold digger, heíll never answer my calls. I
have no clue how Iíll ever even see him again.
Bridget takes another desperate sniff of the wine.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Can you order a scotch, I need a sniff of something
The puppet show ends, the children come running over.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Did you enjoy the show, kids?
SPIKE: Yes, Auntie Bridge. (Aside to Ruby) She thinks we donít know what
puppet shows really mean.
INT. HARD NEWS GALLERY. NIGHT.
The gallery is buzzing as itís show time. A skittish Bridget is at the
desk, in Mirandaís ear.
BRIDGET: OK, nice job Miranda, you have 3 minutes of VT before the
ALICE: I have to say Bridget, Iím actually excited about this next
guest. Relevant, relatable and extremely fuckable. Good work.
INT. HARD NEWS. STUDIO FLOOR. NIGHT.
REVEAL: Down on the studio floor Jack is getting micíed up. He canít
see Bridget who is up in the gallery.
The Make Up person, Cathy, approaches. Brush, powder etc at the ready.
CATHY: Iím thinking some simple magenta eyeshadow to really make you pop
and a hint of rouge...
Jack smiles. The surrounding crew laugh as Cathy subtly looks up to
Bridget in the gallery who gives her a nod.
CATHY (CONTíD): Ooh, youíve got a little grey patch here, shall I...
Before he has a chance to reply she whips out a pair of scissors and snips
off a lock of hair. She secretly puts it in a plastic zip-loc bag.
CATHY (CONTíD): And this silver foxís nails could do with a little bit
of a trim too. Ooh, these hands have not seen a days manual labour.
Theyíre silky soft.
Bridget gives a thumbs up. Jack looks perplexed.
JACK: Wow, real attention to detail. I could get used to this.
CATHY: Now tell me, Jack, do you by any chance like Chinese food?
INT. GALLERY. NIGHT.
A nervous Bridget talks into Mirandaís earpiece.
BRIDGET: OK, coming out of the VT in 5, 4, and remember - gear shift.
INT. STUDIO FLOOR. NIGHT.
Miranda puts on a concerned face as the Floor Manager counts her down.
MIRANDA: And we have a number for a helpline on our website. (Perking up)
But now though, Iím joined by Jack Quant. Raised by a single mother in
Baltimore, he won a scholarship to Harvard at 17, created the website that
made him a billionaire and heís here today to tell us all about his
number one bestseller, QWANTUM LEAP. Itís absolutely wonderful to have
you on the sofa.
Miranda is in full flirt mode.
JACK: Itís great to be here.
Bridget talks into her earpiece.
BRIDGET: Can you please try not to shag him on air.
Alice comes over and leans in.
ALICE: This is dynamite, tell her to flirt more.
INT. STUDIO FLOOR. NIGHT.
MIRANDA: Now weíre going to be talking about your new book of course,
but first letís talk about romance. We found this picture of you from
your college days.
Up pops a Maths faculty photo showing seven of the geekiest looking boys
imaginable - all glasses, braces and awkwardness.
JACK (Smiling): Wow - youíve done your research. Iím the good-looking
one at the front right!
MIRANDA: Youíve changed a lot since then and Qwantify has brought true
love to millions... Has it worked for you?
JACK (Easy charm): If I answer that, can we move on and talk about my
JACK (CONTíD): Ok then, some people had Farrah Fawcett as their first
crush, but my first love was an algorithm.
INT. GALLERY. NIGHT.
Aliceís face goes black.
ALICE: And weíve lost them... if he carries on talking about
Ďalgorithmsí Iím cutting to that VT of cats who look like Hitler.
Bridget steels herself, speaks into the earpiece.
BRIDGET: Heís avoiding the question. Get him off maths. Ask him if
heís with anyone now...
INT. HARD NEWS, STUDIO FLOOR. NIGHT.
MIRANDA: So, for someone so good at matchmaking is there someone special
in your life?
JACK: Ha! Apart from Downtonís Lady Mary? I thought we were moving on
INT. GALLERY. NIGHT.
ALICE: Cue Hitler Cats!
A picture comes on the monitor of a cat that looks exactly like Hitler -
all ready to roll.
Bridget now has the bit between her teeth...
BRIDGET: Donít be evasive, itís apparent you have everything, but why
have you chosen to have no family, no children?
Donít be evasive, itís apparent you have everything, but why have you
chosen to have no family, no children?
RICHARD FINCH: Brilliant, zoom
in on 4.
ALICE: Love it!
INT. HARD NEWS. STUDIO FLOOR. NIGHT.
Jack is a little bit rattled.
JACK: Look, I love kids, but I always found the idea of being a father
myself kind of petrifying. Thatís why Iím drawn to algorithms.
Theyíre rational, predictable. Everything a child isnít.
CUT TO Bridget - her face drops.
Miranda flinches as she hears the next question come down the earpiece.
She steels herself and becomes all Paxmanesque.
BRIDGET: So, can you have children? Are the soldiers working?
So, can you have children? Are the soldiers working?
Jack looks shocked and the crew
JACK (CONTíD): Well... I believe so, the barracks are in pretty regular
INT. GALLERY. SAME TIME.
BRIDGET: Really, because for somebody with a supposed algorithm for love, isnít
it odd that youíve never found it?
Really, because for somebody with a supposed algorithm for love, isnít
it odd that youíve never found it?
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIOS. NIGHT.
JACK: Well I suppose in order to find something you have to actively look
for it, and I guess I work so hard these days, I havenít got time.
INT. GALLERY. NIGHT.
BRIDGET: How much do you know about the Quant family bloodline? Any skeletons in
the closet? Sexual deviants...
Criminal records... Serial killers...?
How much do you know about the Quant family bloodline? Any skeletons in
the closet? Sexual deviants...
Criminal records... Serial killers...?
Alice now looks confused, as
does everybody in the gallery at this random non-sequitur.
INT. HARD NEWS. STUDIO
Jack now looks totally perplexed.
JACK: Iím sorry, Iím not sure where we are going with all of this, but
in all honesty, I have to be wary. I can attract the wrong type of women.
He looks around and recognizes Bridget in the gallery.
JACK (CONT'D): You wouldnít believe some of the weirdos who cross my
Seeing him see her, she takes evasive action and ducks behind her desk.
Unfortunately, her headphone lead doesnít extend far enough and she ends
up jolting her head back and having to lean at forty-five degrees to the
INT. GALLERY. NIGHT.
Bridget, still at forty-five degrees to the floor, everyone in the gallery
staring at her like a lunatic.
BRIDGET (Floundering): Fuck! Ask him something about algorithms.
INT. RECEPTION. HARD
A furtive Bridget tries to sneak out of the building when she finds...
JACK: Well how about seeing you here.
BRIDGET: Oh, hi! Great to see you, Iím sorry, I wanted to come and find
you, say hello, but you know what live TV is like, so chaotic...
JACK: You know, there are easier ways to get in touch with me than
inviting me on national TV to ask me about my sperm.
BRIDGET: What? No... I...
JACK: Because I would have liked to have heard from you.
I was disappointed when I came back that morning and youíd gone.
BRIDGET: You were?
JACK: We had an amazing night. I thought you were great, at least I did,
before I became a clip on ĎThe fifty most embarrassing chat show moments
of all timeí.
BRIDGET: Iím sorry... I donít know how to explain it... (deep breath)
... The thing is... Iím pregnant.
JACK: Wow! Congratulations, thatís so much better than you being mental.
BRIDGET: Around twelve weeks.
JACK: Oh... Wait... You mean... The Festival?
Bridget nods. Jack looks dumbstruck.
BRIDGET: Yes, itís quite a surprise. But Iím fine. I just want you to
know Iím not looking for anything from you...
JACK (Laughing nervously) Except for a complete DNA check and review of my
Bridget embarrassed. Awkward.
BRIDGET: Iím sorry about - in there. I suppose I wanted to find out more
about you, in case you..., in case we... Look, the thing is, I didnít
really mean for you to find out about this.
Bridget points to her tummy.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): And of course, obviously, youíll
want your lawyers or whoever you have checking for the Ďweirdos who
cross your pathí, make sure Iím not one of those...
JACK: Right, I didnít have you down as one of those. Forgive me, Iím a
little in shock, this wasnít what I was expecting.
BRIDGET: And I'm feeling very foolish right now, so if itís ok with you,
I will just retreat gracefully. Thank you. Good-bye.
She goes. Leaving JACK feeling a great wash of mixed emotions.
Jack sees Miranda scuttling past.
JACK: Hold it, Katie Couric! I
need to talk to you.
INT. ANTE-NATAL CLINIC. DAY. 3 MONTHS.
JACKís hair and fingernails are in the zip-loc bag on a medical trolley.
BRIDGET: So, the babyís okay?
DR. RAWLINGS: Sound as a bell.
A great, beatific smile breaks out on Bridgetís face. Pure joy...
The babyís image comes up on the screen, Dr. Rawlings melts into the
background as Bridget becomes mesmerized by whatís on the monitor.
BRIDGET: Oh my god, is that it?
Bridget starts to laugh and then to cry.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Is it alright?
DR. RAWLINGS: Perfect. Youíre approximately 12 weeks along. Listen.
Dr Rawlings turns up the sound and there it is - the heartbeat. Bridget
Dr. Rawlings goes out to organise the amniocentesis needle.
DR. RAWLINGS (CONTíD): Iím glad youíve decided on the amniocentesis.
Bridget doesnít hear this. She is staring at the image. Suddenly a tiny
hand is raised, this little bean of life. Bridget smiles, tears pricking
her eyes. Tiny feet are just visible.
BRIDGET: Hello you. Wow. Is that your foot or your ear? You have big feet.
Ooh, look at you waving already. Hi! Youíre obviously very advanced.
Quite the genius. This is it, this is - youíre the best thing Iíve
ever seen. This wasnít quite how I planned to bring you into the world
but Iíll certainly try my best. So you just keep snug and safe in there
while I try and sort the mess out here and hopefully...
BRIDGET (CONTíD): What the FUCK is that?
Dr. Rawlings has come back in and is bearing down on her with the amnio
needle. Itís ENORMOUS.
DR. RAWLINGS: The amniocentesis needle. We pop it in and get a tiny bit of
fluid which we can use to check for any abnormalities and, of course, for
the DNA sample you need.
Bridgetís eyes widen.
DR. RAWLINGS (CONTíD): Now there is a very slight risk of miscarriage so
youíll have to keep extremely still to make sure the needle doesnít
come into contact with theÖ
BRIDGET: Ö oh, no, no. Thatís INSANE!
She gets up, clutching her midriff and backing away.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): What kind of a maniac would stick a needle in a baby?
Put it away, you monster, put it away - Come on little one. Iím taking
She exits the cubicle, leaving the bewildered Dr. Rawlings holding the
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. SITTING ROOM. DAY.
Bridget comes into the flat, she flops on the sofa and unwraps a baby
BRIDGET: I know they say itís bad luck to buy things for a baby before
itís born, but I beg to differ. I think itís good planning. After all,
who doesnít want to plan the outfit for their big entrance? And you are
going to make such an entrance!
Bridget gets a piece of paper and a pen. She starts to draw.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): You know what, weíre going to be fine. Iím sure of
it. In Africa they say it takes a whole village to raise a childÖ Look,
Iíll show you our village... Look, thereís you and me.
She draws a big smiley face in the middle of the paper with a body and
another, much smaller smiley face inside it. She draws Ďspokesí out
from the faces.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Thereís Miranda, Tom and Shaz, in reality they all have hands,
but hands are very tricky to draw.
She draws a cartoon of the friends, they all have stumpy hands. She draws
a cartoon of Jude at the end of the second spoke. Sheís surrounded with
lots of babies.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Thereís Jude and sheís got four babies already and
youíre all going to be great friends!
She draws two more smiley faces at the end of the third.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Thereís Mum and Dad. Theyíll spoil you rotten,
once I actually tell them you exist.
Then, at the end of the fourth spoke, she draws Jack.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Thereís Jack, who we probably need to - get to know
a little bit better before we decide about him, but according to Google he
does have his own helicopter.
She adds a helicopter.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): I know that looks like a cat, but it is in fact a
And finally, at the end of the fifth spoke, she draws Mark.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Ö and thereís Mark who will find this a bit messy
and modern, but weíll cross that bridge when we come to it.
She looks at her drawing - it seems to comfort her, the smiley faces
surrounded by lots of other little smiley figures. She pats her tummy.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): What?
There is a small pause. Bridget listens.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Whatís that? I ought to tell Mark too? Thatís very
mature of you. No, youíre right. Absolutely. I absolutely must. Iíve
been avoiding it. Youíre right. Would you like a Aero or crisps? ...
Whatís that? Both, you say?
INT. THE SUPREME COURT. DAY.
Bridget walks into the imposing lobby, looking apprehensive.
BRIDGET V.O.: Mark, I have some exciting news. Mark, I have the funniest
story to tell you. Mark, Iím up the duff.
She takes a deep breath and heads towards the courtrooms.
INT. MAIN COURTROOM. DAY.
Bridget enters the public gallery. She can see Mark Darcy, in wig and
gown, getting to his feet. Nine supreme court judges are seated, smart in
their suits. Mark is dashing, authoritative and incredibly impressive.
MARK: My Lords, there is only one fraud that has been committed here and
it is this. To use the laws of one country to try to destroy the freedom
of speech of another. A Trojan Horse to take away the right of these brave
young women to speak the truth about the reality of their beloved country.
In the dock are four ĎPoonanií singers, wearing anti government
MARK (CONTíD): You may not like their music and for that I cannot blame
you. They may not have mastered the fundamentals of melody, or even the
most basic tenets of musicianship, however, this is the land of
Shakespeare, Orwell, Lawrence. A land built on the defence of free speech.
This is your opportunity, my Lords, to send a very clear message back to
any country, any ruler, any despot, that here in the United Kingdom we
will always defend and protect women such as P... P... Women such as
these, who have courageously and selflessly chosen to risk their liberty
and quite possibly their lives to tell the truth. Accordingly we
respectfully ask that the request for extradition be denied and quashed
He is masterful, compelling. He takes his seat. The court erupts.
JUDGE: Thank you, Mr. Darcy. The Court will now adjourn and judgement will
be given in due course.
The Judge rises and everyone gets ready to leave. Poonani explode in the
POONANI MEMBER: Poonani! Power to the Poonani!
In unison they form their hands into a triangle and point them towards
their crotches. Mark turns to his assistant, PIERCE.
MARK: Oh Christ, Iím looking forward to going back to some good, old
As Mark collects his things to leave, he spots Bridget in the public
EXT. ALLEY. NEAR TEMPLE. DAY.
Mark walks Bridget towards his office.
MARK: I wasnít expecting to see you again, after the Ďeventsí at the
BRIDGET: No, right... I understand. You were very impressive in there
MARK: Thank you, although dealing with them for the last month has made me
feel a certain amount of sympathy for the totalitarian dictator who wants
to silence them. Thereís only so many times I can listen to the
resolutely un-catchy ĎMenstruation, Castration, Liberationí.
BRIDGET: Makes you pine for a bit of Ed Sheeran.
INT. MARKíS OFFICE. DAY.
Mark shows Bridget into his immaculate office.
BRIDGET: So... Mark...
BRIDGET: The gardens look lovely. Autumnal.
BRIDGET: Is that a conker tree?
MARK: Err... Yes.
BRIDGET: And what about that one...?
BRIDGET (Blurting): Iím pregnant.
MARK: Right... Congratulations.
MARK (CONTíD): And how can I help?
BRIDGET: Iím three months pregnant.
Absorbing that this is something to do with HIM.
MARK: Oh! The Christening? You mean...
Bridget nods, she looks anxious as it sinks in.
MARK (CONTíD): Well. This is... Right. If youíll excuse me for just
He leaves the room. She stands there, not knowing how this will play out.
INT. CORRIDOR. MARKíS OFFICE. DAY.
Mark heads out into the deserted corridor where he tries to compose
INT. MARKíS OFFICE. DAY.
He returns and looks at her, breathes, braces himself.
MARK: So. I think... this is possibly the single, most wonderful piece of
information I have ever been given in my entire life.
BRIDGET: Is it? OK. Obviously I have no expectations of how all this will
turn out. But I just thought you should know.
MARK: Of course. And I mean, how do you feel? Are you... happy?
BRIDGET: Yes, I think so, but my being pregnant doesnít mean the last
ten years havenít happened. So much has changed, youíve been married,
Iíve... been on a number of long haul holidays... Sri Lanka was a real
highlight. A baby isnít some sort of panacea.
MARK: I know that, but, right now, I just canít feel gloomy about it.
On Bridgetís face.
BRIDGET V.O.: GAAAAAAH! How can I tell him now?
INT. JUDEíS KITCHEN. DAY.
Bridget visiting Jude. The place is mayhem. JUDE, still in a dressing gown
with a huge cold-sore, is holding the new baby. GILES is in a business
suit, on the phone and trying to leave for work. He is cleaning sick off
himself and feeding the toddler. Everyone is thick with colds. A Polish
builder wanders through, on the phone having a loud argument in Polish.
Through the kitchen window, another child is bouncing on the trampoline in
BRIDGET: Thing is, they are both so happy that it just feels cruel to tell
them the truth about the other and frankly, Iím terrified.
Giles makes his way out of the room.
GILES (On the phone): Sorry Margaret, I am covered in porridge. What time
is my flight?
JUDE: Thatís the least of your problems... POPPY! NO!... Youíve no
She just turns and shouts maniacally at Poppy mid sentence without missing
a beat. Bridget looks horrified.
BRIDGET: What do you mean?
Jude waits for Giles to leave the room. The Polish builder shouts again.
JUDE: I know Iíve gone on and on about how wonderful motherhood is in
public, Bridge, but Iíve been lying.
BRIDGET: What? Why?
JUDE: Because everyone does. No-one tells the truth. Babies are GHASTLY.
They ruin your life. Ruin it... PUT IT DOWN!... (She shouts at an unseen
child)... Youíre always ill, you canít go out, youíre covered in a
constant layer of sick, wee, old food and poo, thereís no time to wash,
and anyway thereís no point because you donít see anybody and you will
never have sex again - Giles tried the other night and apart from the fact
that when he pulled off the duvet I looked like I still had it on, I
couldnít feel anything - not a thing because itís a wind-tunnel down
there, he said it was like the Hadron fucking Collider and as for my
Jude whips out a boob. We only see Bridgetís horrified reaction. Jude
spoons the boob back in.
JUDE (CONTíD): Donít do it, Bridge, or have it, sell it, and buy a
nice new car... one of those lovely new Minis. Get out, escape while you
BRIDGET: Thanks Jude. Youíve been - a great help.
JUDE: No, thank you. That was good to get off my chest.
She gets up to leave and as she turns the corner she sees MILO, her nine
year old boy, throwing darts at Poppy. Bridget looks horrified, and gives
both of them a Haribo.
JUDE (CONTíD): Let them get on with it, natural selection.
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. LATER.
The door slams behind a panicked Bridget.
She passes her drawing pinned to the fridge door. She takes a pen and
crosses out Judeís little cartoon figure.
BRIDGET V.O.: Best avoided...
EXT. PARK BENCH. DAY.
Dad and Bridget sit on a bench eating a sandwich.
DAD: Your Mum is going to be over the moon.
BRIDGET: You promise not to tell her? I canít handle that right now.
DAD: I promise. Itís probably for the best in any event. Sheís pretty
wrapped up about whether to hold a referendum over making the A418 a dual
carriageway. She thinks it will bring in a flood of undesirables from
BRIDGET: Dad, Iím sorry. Not to know about the father.
DAD: Donít be daft, love. I know dozens of people who could have been
BRIDGET: So youíre not - disappointed? You donít think I belong on
DAD: Not a bit of it. Iím thrilled.
He hugs her.
DAD (CONTíD): Actually, still not sure if youíre mine or that nice
Lieutenant Colonelís who ran the bowling club.
DAD: Only joking, youíve got my feet. Iíve always had very dainty
feet. Just tell the truth, Bridget. You can never go too far wrong telling
INT. GIANNI'S CAFE. NIGHT.
Bridget and Mark staring at each other. GIANNI and his brother, SERGIO,
smile from the bar area, uncomfortably close to their table.
BRIDGET V.O.: So there I was. In the split of an eco-condom I had gone
from carefreegirl-slash-slightly-too-old-singlewoman-about-town to
Mum-to-be with two rather fantastic men in my life, and with no clue about
how I was going to tell them the truth.
MARK: You sounded pre-occupied on the phone, not your usual self. Is
Before Bridget can answer an enthusiastic Gianni comes to the table and
GIANNI: Mister Mark. Miss Bridget. I so glad to see you back together.
Mister Mark she was so miserable when you two parted.
Bridget trying to brush him off.
GIANNI (CONTíD): I mean soooooo miserable. She eat so much pasta.
BRIDGET: Yes. Yes. Thanks Gianni.
GIANNI: And Pizza, and Chianti, but look Miss Bridget now is
so good you are fat in a good way, fat with a bambino, not with gnocchi
and Tiramisu and calamari. Now you are eating for two.
BRIDGET: Ah, canít let young Balthazar go hungry, or Bartholomew.
MARK: Very, Notting Hill school gates. I was actually thinking Jack, after
my grandfather. Jackís a good strong name, you can rely on a Jack.
BRIDGET: Yes, itís one for the list certainly.
MARK: Our little Jack.
Gianni raises a glass.
GIANNI: Hereís to Jack! Is wonderful news Mr. Mark, wonderful.
Mark smiles proudly. Takes her hand.
MARK: It is, Gianni. It truly is.
Bridget smiles, conflicted.
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. NIGHT.
Bridget is sitting preparing her presentation on her Laptop.
BRIDGET V.O.: Hard to concentrate on impending big presentation when all I
can think of is how to tell at least one father the truth. Mark was
trickier than expected, he just seemed so happy...
The buzzer goes. A voice comes slightly distorted through the intercom,
Bridget gets up to answer.
JACK O.S.: Hi surprise! Itís the father of your child...
JACK: Ha! Who else?
He is buzzed up. Bridget opens the door. Jack enters, excited, carrying
two huge bags and the Wellington boot she left at the festival.
BRIDGET: You kept it?
JACK: Should we make sure it fits?
BRIDGET: I wasnít expecting to see you.
JACK: I wasnít expecting to come. Iím not used to being rejected...
twice. But Iíve been doing some thinking.
BRIDGET: I hope you have cake in that bag.
An excited Jack composes himself.
JACK: Bridget, this baby situation threw me initially. We squashed an
entire relationship into one night and skipped straight to the starting a
family phase. We never even had a real second date, but just so you know I
would have taken you to Ottolenghiís, an amazing place in Notting Hill.
You would have had the grilled salmon and pine nut salsa. Itís
unbelievable AND healthy.
He produces takeaway boxes from inside his bag.
JACK (CONTíD): We would have come back here, had incredible sex and
spent the next couple of days sending each other filthy texts.
He gets out his phone and presses send. Bridgetís phone beeps, she picks
it up and reads it - clearly a filthy text.
BRIDGET: I would not have let you do that to me on a second date!
JACK: Why not? You let me do it on our first... We would then have gone on
a dirty weekend away to the seaside, I would have been manly and won you a
cuddly toy on the pier.
He produces a cuddly toy.
BRIDGET: But I really wanted the giant Scooby Doo.
JACK: Nobody ever wins those, the coconuts are glued on.
Bridgetís phone beeps again - another filthy text.
BRIDGET (Flirtatiously): OK... as long as you clean up afterwards.
Unprovoked Jack starts shouting.
JACK: You are wilfully misunderstanding me, I donít even know her!
He storms out and slams the door. Bridget looks confused. After a beat he
returns with some amazing flowers that he has hidden in the hallway.
BRIDGET: What are these for?
JACK: To say Ďsorryí. We had our first fight, I wasnít flirting with
that waitress, she means nothing to me.
Bridget smiles. He goes out to the hallway again and produces a flat pack
JACK (CONTíD): And Iíve brought us some Swedish furniture to make,
because if we can get through that, we can get through anything.
Bridget is being swept off her feet.
JACK (CONTíD): Iíd find it adorable how your neck goes blotchy when
youíre nervous, and Iíd know youíd be the greatest possible mother
to my child. Why does your neck go all blotchy by the way?
Jack takes her in his arms, it feels incredibly safe and reassuring.
BRIDGET V.O.: I could have told him then, of course, but suddenly the
possibility of a life of spontaneous takeaway and flat pack furniture
seemed sort of inviting... Bit of a pity to ruin it and we wouldnít want
my neck going all blotchy again... Iím going to tell them both tomorrow.
Definitely. Without a shadow of a doubt.
INT. ANTE-NATAL CLINIC. DAY. 4
Bridget is lying in a darkened room on the examination bed,
her belly exposed as Dr. Rawlings rubs on the conductive gel.
DR RAWLINGS: So this is Dad, I presume. Pleased to meet you, Iím glad
you could be here, this is a unique and wonderful moment.
Mark smiles proudly.
DR RAWLINGS (CONTíD): Back from your many business trips then?
Darcy looks confused. Bridget panicky.
DR. RAWLINGS: Before we start, would you like to know the sex?
BRIDGET: I donít know, I canít decide.
MARK: Maybe we should be prepare...
Then ĎThump. Thumpí. The sound of a heartbeat fills the room.
Mark is transfixed by the image on the screen. Itís a moment. The tiny
miracle of life stretching and squirming.
DR RAWLINGS: So would you like to know, Bridget?
BRIDGET: Yes, please.
DR RAWLINGS: Itís a boy.
BRIDGET: A boy.
MARK: A boy.
Bridget and Mark stare at the grainy image lovingly.
MARK (CONTíD): Our boy.
Bridget is overcome with happiness and then instantaneously riven with
BRIDGET: Mark, I wonder whether you might give us a second.
MARK: Oh, right... Of course.
BRIDGET: Dr Rawlings, I wonder whether you could do me a little favour?
INT. ANTE-NATAL CLINIC. NEXT DAY.
Bridget is lying in a darkened room on the examination bed, her belly
exposed as Dr. Rawlings rubs on the conductive gel.
DR. RAWLINGS: So this is Dad. Pleased to meet you, Iím glad you could be
here, this is a unique and wonderful moment.
REVEAL - Jack smiles proudly.
DR. RAWLINGS (CONTíD): So, would you like to know the sex?
BRIDGET (Bad acting): Oooh, Iím not sure, such a big decision. Should
we? Shouldnít we?
Dr. Rawlings does an eye roll.
JACK: Iím not sure we should...
Bridget swiftly interrupts, saying brightly.
BRIDGET: Actually yes, letís find out.
Dr Rawlings goes through the motions as Jack remains awestruck by the
process, transfixed by the monitor.
DR. RAWLINGS: Itís a boy.
JACK: A boy. My boy.
Heís overwhelmed with happiness.
BRIDGET V.O.: Both men deliriously happy, despite my best intentions, I
had no idea how I could tell them the truth...
INT. HARD NEWS OFFICE. DAY.
Bridget enters the office and walks towards her desk.
ANGLE ON: 2 bunches of flowers.
One card reads, ďThinking of you, best of luck with the presentation.
The other, next to a much bigger bunch, reads, ďTo My Incredible
Bridget, thinking of you both, good luck tomorrow, knock Ďem dead, Jack,
BRIDGET V.O.: Two bunches of flowers, one big dilemma. I would tell them
once I had my presentation out of the way, I would definitely tell them
then. Definitely. Hundred percent.
Alice walks over to Bridgetís desk.
ALICE: Ah, lovely, pregnant Bridget, how are you
BRIDGET: Well, thank you itís very exciting, I...
ALICE (Totally cutting her off): Ahhh, that sounds amazing. Howís the
presentation looking for tomorrow?
BRIDGET: Excellent, ship shape. Iíve actually been getting help from
someone rather brilliant, heís...
Alice, clearly not listening, marches off.
INT. SMALLER CONFERENCE HALL. DAY. 5 MONTHS.
A crowd waiting for the presentation to start. A banner
with the words: Exposure
- Crowd-Sourcing the News. Amongst
them, a concerned looking Alice and an amused looking Finch.
A nervous Bridget stands, hands-free microphone on.
BRIDGET: From Tokyo to Teddington, Hollywood to Cricklewood, in a digital
age where every cellphone is a camera, we are all broadcasters.
Bridget waves her hands in the air, as weíve previously seen Jack do,
and suddenly the checkerboard of screens behind her light up. The images
animate with young people on the streets of South London, Africa and
BRIDGET (CONT'D): Ready to interview, interrogate and investigate the
global and local news stories that affect us 24 hours a day.
Alice is impressed. The room is impressed. At the back of the room, Jack
watches, willing her on.
And now sheís waving her hands again and the cornucopia of images are
BRIDGET (CONTíD): From Designer Jeans...
Images of celebrities in jeans all selling their product.
BRIDGET (CONTíD) ...to Designer Genes.
Images of IVF twins all talking at once.
In the back of the audience, Bridget sees Jack, he gives her a re-assuring
smile, gesturing for her to slow down.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): We are partnering with London Media Show to rebrand
Hard News for the digital generation, so that YOU, our viewers, will be
able to use your smart phones to become your own news broadcasting
channels. You simply download the new Hard News App and broadcast directly
to our studio, where Miranda is waiting for this eveningís live
Behind Bridget, we see Miranda, live in the studio, waiting to go on air.
We see the Hard News countdown clock on the screens and then the Hard News
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Go into the app, hold up your phones and say ďGood
Bridget holds up her phone and says ďGood Evening MirandaĒ. The
audience hold up their phones, chorusing : ďGood Evening MirandaĒ.
ON SCREENS BEHIND BRIDGET:
We see Miranda, live on air at the Hard News Studios, surrounded by an
abundance of screens and faces, including Bridgetís, chanting ďGood
MIRANDA: Good Evening everyone live at the London Media Show.
Miranda continues to introduce the show on air, while Bridget turns back
to the conference centre audience.
BRIDGET: As of now, weíre live and our audience is broadcasting.
Starting close to home, 16 year old Daryl Baines is live at Wembley Arena
where heís about to tell us what he thought of the Jessie J concert.
She presses a button. Behind Bridget, A TEENAGERíS BARE BOTTOM APPEARS
ON A HUNDRED SCREENS.
LIVE ON NATIONAL TV, the bare bottom appears behind Mirandaís desk.
Bridget dives for the exit button.
TEENAGER: Hard News sucks balls!
BRIDGET: Jesus! Well thereís always one isnít there.
MIRANDA (Laughing, covering): OK... Letís go to the Grampians where Adam
Wollaston is leading a group of Venture Rangers to the top of Ben Nevis.
CUT TO - A group of Venture Rangers all showing their bare arses to
VENTURE RANGERS: Hard News sucks balls.
ADAM WOLLASTON: Whoís the pregnant granny?
BRIDGET: Ha! Well thereís always two. Some technical glitches there, our
apologies. Letís go to Anthony Mathis, a company director who has been
attending the GBI conference in Brighton.
CUT TO - A suited middle aged man, ANTHONY MATHIS, addresses a phone
camera being held by a friend.
ANTHONY: It has been a monumental day here at the conference...
Suddenly, without warning, he spins round, takes down his trousers and
reveals his bare ass to camera.
ANTHONY (CONTíD): Hard News sucks balls!
While Miranda covers for the screw up, a flustered Bridget soldiers on,
trying to ignore a fuming Alice Peabody.
A new face appears on the screen behind her. She looks up at it.
BRIDGET: And if you think Iím falling for that, you can think again,
sir. Nobody has any desire to see your bottom.
A caption appears on the screen.
DAVID CARTWRIGHT - CEO - London Media Show.
We see his face register fury, before a reeling Bridget gets rid of him,
hurriedly switching screens.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Of course emailing or tweeting the show could not be
easier, simply type in hardnews.co.uk...
At once Jack reaches for his cellphone.
A tweet pops up JACKQ1971 - ďExcellent new site, Hard News as ever at
the cutting edgeĒ.
Bridget looks to Jack who gives her an elaborate and morale boosting
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Ah, there we go, a bit more representative.
Another tweet pops up, MARKDARCE ĎCanít wait to interact with the
number one news show on TVí.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Öor search ĎHard Newsí or simply H.
Bridget types ĎHí into the browser, but gets distracted when she sees
MARK DARCY, THERE at the back of the audience. Oh shit... she wobbles...
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Because at Hard News we believe... We believe... Hard
News is... ready and on the front line.
Bridget collects herself, but sheís left the H on the screen and all her
previous searches starting with ĎHí displayed on the massive screen
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Asking the questions that the world wants answers to.
ON THE SCREEN:
HOW CAN I MAKE MY THIGHS LOOK THINNER?
HARRY STYLES NAKED.
HOW CAN I MAKE MY BOSS LIKE ME?
HOW CAN I GET MY BOSS FIRED?
HOW CAN I FIND OUT WHO IS THE FATHER OF MY CHILD?
The crowd are mesmerized by the searches. Bridget blissfully unaware. She
then looks behind, sees the searches. Is horrified.
INT. SAME. FIVE MINUTES LATER.
Mark makes his way over to her. Her happiness at seeing him is
significantly tempered by the fact that she can see Jack approaching
MARK: I hope itís okay me turning up, surprising you. I mean, well done.
It was very... technically adroit?
As he says this Bridget sees Jack approaching and panics.
BRIDGET V.O.: GAAAAAH!
She grabs the nearest person to her.
BRIDGET: Mark Darcy Iíd really love you to meet...
She squints at this strangerís name badge...
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Ariyaratna Sithamparanathan, Ariyaratna is Area
manager for DTC technological solutions arenít you Ariyaratna?
Both men look perplexed as Bridget rushes to cut off Jack.
She is intercepted by Alice Peabody...
ALICE: What the hell was that? What were you thinking? I have 4 voicemails
from David Cartwright on my phone that I dare not listen to.
BRIDGET: Well they say thereís only one thing worse than being talked
Bridget is trying to extricate herself, but Alice is steadfastly blocking
ALICE: Is it that presentation?
BRIDGET: Alice, Iím so sorry.
ALICE: Sorry doesnít cut it, I seriously have to question whether there
is a place for you at Hard News...
To her horror, she now sees Ariyaratna intercepting his hero, Jack Quant
and introducing him to Mark Darcy.
BRIDGET: So sorry I really have to...
And she leaves a furious Alice hanging, mid sentence.
MARK: Bridget! This is Jack Quant. Heís really rather brilliant. I read
this tremendous profile of him in the New YorkerÖ
BRIDGET: Right, yes. We actually know each other.
Jack puts his arm round Bridget.
JACK: We sure do!
Mark slightly balks, looking confused. Ariyaratna Sithamparanathan is
JACK (CONTíD): Why didnít you introduce me to this guy earlier? Heís
great, you know heís representing that punk protest band who are being
BRIDGET: Yes. Yes, I knew that too.
ARIYARATNA: Hi, we met fleetingly before, Iím in charge of the data
management for most of Daventry.
A shell shocked Bridget ignores Ariyaratna.
BRIDGET: Well, I have to say itís fantastic that you are getting on so
well... because you actually have a lot in common. I feel we should go and
discuss somewhere a bit quieter...
MARK: Why not? I booked GIANNI'S.
ARIYARATNA: Great idea.
BRIDGET: I think you might have to sit this one out, Ariyaratna.
INT. GIANNI'S RESTAURANT. NIGHT.
Mark, Jack and a shell-shocked, silent Bridget are sitting at a table.
Mark and Jack are getting on like a house on fire. GIANNI, laying the
table, is enjoying the conversation too.
MARK: ... so you really believe that mathematics can help us - how did you
put it in your book - Ďanalyze human behavior previously invisible to
JACK: Well, itís a theory.
GIANNI (Butting in): Is incredible idea.
MARK: Really? In my experience emotions have a lot to do with it.
A pause. Bridget looks uncomfortable.
JACK: My dating algorithm is to help people find love,
not necessarily replace it. Have you ever tried it out?
Bridget laughs nervously.
JACK (CONTíD): Youíre single right?
Mark looks to Bridget - she smiles, even more uncomfortable. GIANNI,
MARK (CONTíD): I suppose in a way... Yes... So, how do you two know each
Bridget takes a deep breath.
BRIDGET: Well... itís sort of a funny story, sort of. You see, the thing
is, a few months ago on June 4th I met Jack at a music festival.
BRIDGET (Interrupting): We got on very well and sort of had... relations.
GIANNI backs off, pretends not to be listening.
GIANNI: Dio Mio!
MARK: Oh... Right.. I see... thatís...
All of a sudden itís a bit awkward.
BRIDGET: Ö and then the following week, that is to say... on the 11th
June at Judeís baby christening to be precise, and following the
consumption of quite a lot of alcohol, Mark and IÖ umÖ wellÖ we had
Itís now very awkward.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): And this is the Ďfunnyí part, I suppose, and why
in many ways itís good that we all met and are getting on so well. The
thing is that owing to these Ďrelationsí the resulting - um -
life-form currently residing in my - um - tummy - could in fact be either
of yours. I know I should have told you both before, but I just
didnít... you both seemed so happy.
JACK: Correct me if Iím wrong but did you just say that the baby could
be either of ours?
MARK: So you have no idea which of us is actually the father?
GIANNI, wishing he was invisible.
BRIDGET: I know this is all very confusing. Iíve made a mess of it and
Iím sorry, but one thing Iím certain of, is, however we choose to do
this, the most important thing now is this.
She points to her bump.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): OK?
A long pause.
JACK: Bridget, Iím not going to pretend this isnít a shock, but I just
want you to know whatever the circumstances, youíre right, the most
important thing is the baby, and Iím here to support you both. Who knows
this could be a great adventure?
He puts his arm around her.
MARK (Less convincingly): Iím sorry, youíll have to excuse me, I have
He gets up and leaves.
INT. VILLAGE HALL. GRAFTON UNDERWOOD. DAY.
Bridget tentatively inches her way into the back of the hall where Mumís
campaign launch is in full swing.
All of Grafton Underwood is present and the room is bedecked with campaign
slogans. There is a photographer in the background. Mum sees Bridget and
rushes over to greet her.
MUM: I say we bring back National Service.
DAD: I donít disagree in principle Pam, itís just Iím not sure
Grafton Underwood Parish Council has the power to conscript.
MUM: Donít be sarcastic Colin. Add it to the minutes.
Dad rushes off to talk to speak to an official. Mum sees Bridget at the
back and rushes over to greet her.
MUM (CONTíD): ... Honestly, we started half an hour ago where have
BRIDGET: Whatís the emergency?
MUM: The Argus wants a family portrait. What are you wearing?
Then she notices Bridgetís bump and stops dead.
MUM (CONTíD): Oh my god, Bridget, are you...
Bridget nods, half nervous, half excited. Mumís face lights up.
MUM (CONTíD): Why didnít you say anything?
BRIDGET: I was worried you might be angry...
MUM: Why would I be? ... (The penny drops) Oh no Bridget.
Whoís the father? Is it Markís Bridget, do say it is?
BRIDGET: Well, yes in a manner of speaking, sort of. What I mean is, there
is at least a fifty per cent chance.
MUM: A fifty percent chance?
BRIDGET: Mark and Jack Quant, heís an American.
MUM: Oh no Bridget... An American? Did
you have a three way?
Mumís face drops. She sees the photographer heading over and her face
fills with fear. She sees the coat rack, grabs a few coats and thrusts
them at Bridget.
MUM (CONTíD): Oh no. Here, carry these, act as if everythingís fine.
BRIDGET: What? Everything is fine.
As they walk the photographer spots her and wants a picture.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Mrs. Jones can we...
Before Bridget can answer, Mum barks.
MUM: Here, this is a lovely place for you to stand.
She places Bridget behind a counter where her bump is hidden. Mum
frantically starts to arrange sandwiches and cakes in front of the bump to
BRIDGET: What are you doing? Are you ashamed of me? Are you hiding your
first born grandchild behind a pile of mini quiches?
Somebody comes over to take a mini quiche - Mum slaps their hand away.
MUM: Look, darling itís just the circumstances, Iím running for high
office and Iím presenting myself as a paragon of family values, see?
She points to a poster that reads ĎPAMELA JONES, IF YOU LOVE FAMILY AND
YOU LOVE VALUE VOTE PAMELA JONES FOR FAMILY VALUESí.
BRIDGET: Wait... Still reading... Itís so long... (She finishes reading)
... Look, you might not be proud of the circumstances, but at least you
can be proud of me. This isnít the 1950ís. Itís not all nuclear
families and 2.4 children any more. Look around you; Mavis Enderburyís
daughter is raising 2 kids on her own, Unaís sonís a single father,
two lesbians have adopted at Number 32. If you donít change the way you
look at the world youíre not only going to lose your daughter, youíre
going to lose your precious election as well.
She storms off, pauses, turns back, grabs a handful of mini quiches and
storms off again. As she marches out she passes Una who spots her bump.
UNA: Bridget, so lovely to see you... are you...?
BRIDGET (Defiant): Pregnant? Yes. Yes I am.
UNA: How wonderful! We thought youíd just got all fat again.
EXT. COMMUNITY CENTRE. DAY.
Lots of pregnant women with loving partners go in and out of the entrance.
Bridget waits alone and consults her watch nervously.
BRIDGET V.O.: Am suddenly freak in weird social experiment. But why
couldnít this work? We were all mature, sophisticated adults who wanted
the best for the baby. People might look back and see this as the dawn of
a new vanguard of parenting. Perhaps I was a visionary, ahead of my time.
Jack swoops in on his Vintage Triumph motorbike and dashingly removes his
helmet. Bridget looks relieved to see him.
JACK: Our first ante-natal class. Exciting stuff, huh?
TIME CUT TO:
EXT. COMMUNITY CENTRE. MOMENTS LATER.
Bridget and Jack are about to go in when Bridget sees Mark running up the
street towards her and she canít help but let out a big smile, he
decided to come!
Mark hands her a small paper bag.
MARK: I brought you a nice tea.
BRIDGET: Thank you. Iím glad you came.
JACK: Me too, awesome to see you buddy.
He grabs the tea.
JACK (CONTíD): Thereís a heck of a lot of caffeine hidden in that tea.
Jack takes out a smoothie from his bag and swaps it out for the tea.
Bridget looks slightly horrified by Jackís hideous looking concoction.
BRIDGET: Thank you... both. Shall we go in.
JACK: Here, let me carry that for you.
He takes Bridgetís big handbag from her, sheís genuinely appreciative
of the gesture. Mark looks put out.
MARK: Right, do you want me to carry your phone for you?
She is also carrying a tiny mobile phone. She hands it to him.
BRIDGET: Thank you.
INT. HALL. COMMUNITY CENTRE. LATER.
All the couples sit together in a semi-circle around DAISY, a very pretty
young woman, who listens with earth-shattering brightness to one
particularly lovely couple who are addressing the group. Bridget, Mark and
Jack are the oldest people in the class, and obviously stand out as the
only trio in the room. Bridget looks anxious and self conscious as the
couples all introduce themselves.
DAISY: And who do we have here then?
BRIDGET: Iím Bridget. This is Mark and this is Jack.
DAISY (Reading her list): Oh lovely! Youíre our second same sex couple
Everyone claps. A lesbian couple look over and wave.
MARK: No, actually...
JACK (Looks at Mark mischieviously): Absolutely, and we just need the gift
of a baby to make us complete.
DAISY (Looking at Bridget): And you must be... the surrogate?
Bridget plays along, looking at Mark and Jack.
BRIDGET: Exactly, just trying to make this wonderful coupleís dream come
DAISY: Well the plan is to take you through some of the basic things to
expect during the birth. To start off, perhaps someone can tell me what
signs to look out for that might indicate labour is starting?
Jackís hand shoots up. Daisy points to Jack who leaps in.
JACK: Early labour will be characterized by mild to moderate contractions,
up to thirty to forty-five minutes apart, and often, but not always, a
rupture of the amniotic membrane.
Jack looks pleased with himself. Daisy looks surprised. Mark speaks
MARK: Right yes, absolutely. Of course. I mean, isnít this something one
would normally leave to the midwife?
JACK: Mark gets nervous about all of this, itís very new to you isnít
it, lamb chop?
Mark could not look more uncomfortable.
BRIDGET V.O.: Like all visionaries I would encounter bumps along the road,
but still had faith in my grand plan.
INT. SWIMMING POOL. NIGHT.
Jack with a row of dads watching the new mums-to-be including Bridget in
the water, mid aqua-ante-natal class. Jack is referring to a pregnancy
book. Suddenly Mark joins them, late and hassled, still in his court
JACK (Book in hand): How would you like to give birth to your placenta?
BRIDGET (Laughing): Quickly?
Water sloshes over Bridget.
Suddenly she begins to choke, then sink.
At once, Jack strips off his clothes, revealing a rippling six pack, and
leaps in to save her.
On Mark, catching his reflection in the window. He looks old, tired and
INT. MARKíS OFFICE. CHAMBERS. NIGHT.
Mark sits in his office, late at night, reading studiously with a glass of
wine and takeaway on his desk. His assistant Pierce pops his head in.
MARK: You should leave, Iím just going over some of the details on the
Al Bashir case.
PIERCE: Absolutely. I think knowledge of Ďproblems of breech deliveryí
may be crucial in proving the Sudanese are using aid money to fund the
REVEAL: Mark is not looking at his briefs but instead is studying ĎThe
Expectant Dadís Handbookí and has other Pregnancy/baby books strewn on
his desk. He has been busted.
MARK: When you had Charlie did it all come naturally? Did you know you
were going to be a good Dad?
PIERCE: All the books in the world wonít prepare you for whatís about
to happen, but for what itís worth, I think youíll make an amazing
INT. COMMUNITY CENTRE. DAY.
Back at the ante-natal class, all the same people, new week. Today the
partners are standing behind their wives as Daisy demonstrates massage
techniques. Every woman has one man behind her apart from Bridget, who has
Mark and Jack, vying for pole position.
DAISY: And of course massage can have many benefits throughout pregnancy,
can we name some of them?
Jackís hand shoots up.
JACK: It can lower stress and promotes feel-good hormones.
Mark shoots his hand up.
MARK: And to be safe, it should also be avoided in instances of high-risk
pregnancy for example where there is a geriatric mother.
Bridget looks slightly put out. Everybody laughs, Mark looks embarrassed.
DAISY: Right, excellent, someoneís been reading up. Letís put some
theory into practice.
A super enthusiastic Jack grabs Bridget, manoeuvres her into position and
DAISY (CONTíD): Take an unclenched fist and begin at the nape of your
Jack sets about this and Bridget canít help but swoon with pleasure,
heís great at it.
Mark stands awkwardly, pathetically, by the side - the only person in the
place not either massaging or being massaged.
Daisy spots him.
DAISY (CONTíD): Oh, erm... do you want a go...?
MARK: Itís Mark, I think Iíll probably leave it to Jack, he seems to
have it covered.
JACK (Mischievously): Youíre so sweet, thatís why I love you, pumpkin.
A huge, lumbering, tattooed Neanderthal man looks over to them and turns
to his wife.
NEANDERTHAL GUY: Lovely couple, itís great that they get to enjoy the
miracle of childbirth.
INT. MARKíS BEDROOM. DAY.
Mark is on his computer, he appears to be deep in work, but...
REVEAL: His computer screen shows the QWANTIFY website, he has put his
details in and there are pictures of him and Bridget and a Graphic that
reads ĎCOMPATABILITY 3%í.
A page comes up of suggested matches - photos of slightly stern masculine
women who look just like Mark.
INT. HARD NEWS OFFICES. DAY.
Bridget is working intently at her desk. She gets a pain and reaches for
her stomach. She looks around for help, all the hipsters are busy working
away at their stations wearing oversized headphones, oblivious to her.
INT. COURT. DAY.
Mark is addressing the court.
MARK: My lady, may I please make an application for leave to appeal in the
case of HM Government and Saddiq Al Bashir. As your Ladyship is no doubt
aware, Mr Al Bashir lost his case in the court of appeal and he now seeks
this courts leave to appeal on a point of law of public importance,
namely, the question of whether permission for the electronic intercepts
of his phone was lawfully granted by the Foreign Secretary. As it stands,
the law on intercept warrants lacks clarity and on our proposed appeal we
shall be inviting your Ladyshipís court to give greater definition to
the Home Secretaryís powers and duties.
C/U: Markís mobile phone vibrates silently by his papers, out of his
There are six missed calls from Bridget and a group text to Mark and Jack.
ďON MY WAY TO HOSPITAL. STOMACH PAINS. WORRIEDĒ.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. DAY.
Bridget sits on an examination couch in a blue robe. Jack sits next to
DR RAWLINGS: Gherkins, anchovies, banana juice, Pringles? Its the
combination thatís done it. Any baby would need a nap after that.
BRIDGET: So essentially...
DR RAWLINGS: Wind.
DR. RAWLINGS leaves. Jack smiles reassuringly, putting his arms round her.
INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM. DAY.
Dr. Rawlings enters the waiting room and sees Mark Darcy at reception.
Mark approaches Dr. Rawlings.
MARK: Howís Bridget? Is everything alright?
Dr. Rawlings subtly moves to block the window and then makes Mark face the
other way round so that he canít see Jack.
DR RAWLINGS: Sheís fine. Sheís currently in there with Dr...
As she says this, through the window, they see Jack and Bridget laughing.
DR RAWLINGS (CONTíD): He has a very unique bedside manner, its new
technique weíre trialling out of Oslo.
MARK: Itís fine, I know about Jack, but thank you, Doctor.
DR RAWLINGS: Oh, for heavenís sake, why didnít you tell me before.
Sheís fine, heís done very well and calmed her down completely.
Mark pauses a moment, looking through the window.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. DAY.
Bridget and Jack are mid conversation as Mark enters the room. Her face
MARK: Iím sorry. I just got your messages. I was in court.
BRIDGET: Thatís alright. Canít be helped. Freedom of speech needs to
Markís phone rings.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): You should take it. It might be work.
JACK: Itís totally fine. I have it covered.
MARK: Yes. I can see that.
JACK: Címon buddy, you need to take a chill pill. Weíve got to do this
together. In Peru, the UM BAT DO consider paternity a task to be shared
among many tribesman.
MARK: Well, unfortunately we UM BAT DONíT live in Peru, I live in
Bridget looks from Mark to Jack.
BRIDGET: Stop it. Weíre not in the 18th century and this isnít pistols
at dawn to prove whoís the better man.
JACK: Look, the vibes are bad for the baby. Letís go talk it out.
BRIDGET: Yes, that would be better. Thank you. Wonít be a minute...
Jack follows Mark out into the waiting room.
JACK: Why are you so angry...
INT. HOSPITAL MAIN RECEPTION. DAY.
JACK: Hey buddy why are you so angry?
MARK: You know what? Iím really not your buddy, I donít know about
vibes or negative energy or prenatal wind and even less about algorithms
and automated reasoning, so Iíll admit that I struggle to understand the
laws of attraction especially when I apply them to myself. Bridget just
defies comprehension generally. But despite, or perhaps owing to, the
bewildering litany of catastrophes Iíve witnessed over the last forty
years, I feel I know her rather well and have spent every one of those
years caring for her very deeply. In doing so I may be going expressly
against my own better judgment but thereís nothing I can do about it.
JACK: Do about it? You could try being around a little instead of saving
the world by cell phone. I make her feel happy, Mark.
MARK: And I suppose your algorithm tells you that you and Bridget are
destined to be together, does it?
JACK: Actually it does, and the fact that you have been trying and failing
to make it work with each other for the last ten years should tell you
that maybe you are not.
This hits Mark hard. Jack relents.
JACK (CONTíD): I donít want to fight with you, Mark. We need to think
about Bridget and the baby, and for better or worse, fate has brought us
MARK: It wasnít fate. It was condoms.
JACK: What do you mean?
MARK: You know those disastrous dolphin friendly things from the bottom of
JACK: Sorry, Iím not sure I know what youíre talking about. When
Bridget and I... How do I put thisÖ? I did not dress for the occasion...
A silence while this revelation sinks in.
JACK (CONTíD): Why donít we calm down and grab a beer?
INT. HOSPITAL MAIN RECEPTION. STAIRCASE. DAY.
Bridget comes down the stairs. She sees Mark and Jack still arguing.
BRIDGET V.O.: This is going to be so much harder than I thought. If they
canít get along now, before the babyís even here, how are they going
to deal with the really big things, like who gets up for the night feed,
or whether he can have an iPad for his first birthday, or which granny to
spend Christmas with? So much for the social experiment.
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. DAY.
Bridget returns home to find a letter from Mark. She reads...
MARK V.O.: Dear Bridget, Iím sorry about today. I think you were right
when you said the fantasy of us was always better than the reality. What
you want me to be and what I am just donít add up.
INT. MARKíS OFFICE. DAY.
Mark writing the letter.
MARK: I do realise how difficult I make it for you to love me and
it was never my intention to leave you so alone. Because in truth there
must be something that Iíve never been able to give you. Why else did
you go back to...
EXT. TATE BRITAIN. DAY Ė FLASHBACK.
Bridget stands alone on the pavement, clutching her award. At the sound of
a car, she looks up and smiles with delight, as if seeing someone she
MARK V.O.: Daniel Cleaver.
Mark Darcy, hurrying across the pavement. He stops on seeing Daniel
Cleaverís convertible driving off with Bridget clearly in the passenger
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. DAY.
Bridget still reading at her flat. Tears roll down her face.
MARK V.O.: Itís alright Bridget.
INT. PREGNANCY YOGA CLASS. NIGHT.
Bridget struggling in a pregnancy yoga class. Sheís surrounded by young,
nubile pregnant women.
MARK V.O.: Iíve always made myself believe that our history should lead
us to be together.
INT. MARKíS BEDROOM. DAY.
CLOSE-UP on Mark closing up a suitcase.
MARK V.O. (CONTíD): But maybe deep down, despite everything weíve
shared, weíre not compatible.
EXT. GREENWICH PARK. DAY.
Jack and Bridget walk hand in hand. Bridget looks distracted.
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. NIGHT.
Bridget and Jack are together on the sofa watching television.
INT. AIRPORT. DAY.
Mark, distracted, at the boarding gate for KHARTOUM. He makes his way
towards the plane.
MARK V.O.: And now information has come to light that has led me to
believe that my further involvement in this situation is impossible. Be
assured of my concern for your well-being and some sense of my
responsibility in the situation...
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. DAY.
Bridget back reading the letter. She looks at an enclosed cheque,
MARK V.O.: A financial contribution would seem to me appropriate. Should
you have any practical needs, you need only alert my office. I wish you
every happiness for the future. Mark.
The cheque falls to the floor.
She walks up to the African chart, zones in on Darcyís name, with tears
rolling down her cheeks. She strokes her bump.
INT. COMMUNITY CENTRE. NIGHT.
Ante-natal class. Just Bridget and Jack - Mark is conspicuous by his
DAISY: OK, take your partners and letís practice breathing... No Mark
Bridget shakes her head sadly. The Neanderthal guy turns to his partner
NEANDERTHAL GUY: Ahhh, shame. They seemed so happy... I was really rooting
EXT. GREENWICH PARK. DAY.
Shazzer sits with Bridget on a bench. In the background Jack is holding
Shazzerís childrenís attention with his animated retelling of a
SHAZZER: How do you orchestrate such cliffhangers in your life?
BRIDGET: Well thanks for that. I hadnít thought of it like that.
SHAZZER: I canít believe Mark ducked out again.
BRIDGET: Well the last time wasnít really his fault.
SHAZZER (Looking at Jack): I suppose we better just hope itís Jackís,
right? ... Letís face it, things could be worse, he is pretty fucking
Jack holds out an apple, overacting as a Wicked Queen. The children and
Tom are enthralled. Shazzerís nose slightly turns up.
BRIDGET: He definitely seems to be, I donít really know
anything about him.
SHAZZER: How much do you need to know? Heís gorgeous, heís richer than
god and has a very nice sized puppet.
He does, and we match up very well on paper. In some countries they just
make you marry a boy in the next village because his Dad has a nice horse,
and those marriages seem to work.
SHAZZER: Exactly... And heís certainly enthusiastic.
Shazzer says this like itís a negative. Jack is now juggling the
apples, the children are rapt.
(Pensive): Right. I suppose he is.
SHAZZER: I mean, itís difficult, but you just have to ask Ďcan I see
myself growing old with himí? Sending the kids off to school, teaching
them how to swim, how to drive their first yacht?
BRIDGET: How do I know? I donít know anything about him, he may wear
socks with sandals when he goes on holiday. What happens then?
SHAZZER: For that? Divorce. But you have to have faith. Nobody knows what
life has in store. You know, look at me and Fergus. When we met he had a
record deal and exciting plans, I had the great career in journalism. Now
me and the kids are off next week accompanying him on a tour of pub back
rooms in the Shetland Islands, living in a fucking camper van. Iím just
saying when it comes down to it, when you are stuck holding the baby and
itís pissing with rain, is that the man you want to be in a camper van
BRIDGET: I suppose he is a billionaire, so it will be a fucking nice
Jack rushes over and takes a cupcake out of Bridgetís hand and replaces
it with the apple.
JACK: Watch that blood pressure Bridge. Letís go with natureís candy.
Right little fella?
He talks into Bridgetís belly. Shazzer slightly raises her eyebrows. She
turns to Bridget.
SHAZZER: Iím sorry Iím not going to be here, Bridge.
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. KITCHEN. DAY.
Bridget crosses Shazzer off the African family chart.
EXT. STREET. DAY.
A pensive Bridget, looking a bit breezier is walking along a street,
shopping for the baby.
BRIDGET V.O.: Shazzer was right, I had landed on my feet, with an amazing
man who was happy to be with me. He ticked every box. The only thing that
was going to get in the way of this was me...
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. SPARE ROOM. DAY.
Jackís been decorating Bridgetís spare room for the nursery - a
half-finished, black and white pattern on one wall. Bridget, shopping bags
in hand, enters the room to find Jack painting.
She stops for a while, silently watching him.
JACK: Oh, hey! For the first few months they can only see black and white.
This will stimulate his spatial awareness.
BRIDGET: Right. Itís actually making me feel a bit sick.
JACK: So much better than the floating pizzas.
REVEAL - Bridget has been painting on the other wall.
BRIDGET: They were teddy bears. But thank you.
JACK: Well my Mom put Captain Caveman wallpaper on my wall when I was a
baby. You can imagine how much that traumatized me.
He starts to do the voice... He stops, no recognition. There is a moment
BRIDGET: I bought him one of those bouncy chairs, Iím not even sure
where weíre going to put it.
JACK: Yeah, about that. Itís kind of cramped in here, donít you think?
Jack pauses, readies himself for something big.
JACK: I was thinking, maybe it might be nice if we moved in together?
This hits Bridget hard.
BRIDGET: Do you think weíre ready for that?
JACK: Of course. Iím tired of living in hotel rooms, and airport
lounges. We could be a family, you, me, him. What do you say?
There is a long beat - Bridget trying to makes sense of things.
BRIDGET: What if it isnít yours?
BRIDGET: What if the baby turns out to be Markís? What will you do then?
He pauses a moment too long.
JACK: I mean, obviously that would change things...
BRIDGET: I see.
There is a very long beat.
JACK: And is that what you want? For it to be Markís?
This time Bridget pauses a moment too long.
BRIDGET: I donít know what I want.
Jack takes a deep breath.
JACK: Are you in love with him?
BRIDGET: I have been.
JACK: And me?
BRIDGET: I donít know... I could be, one day.
JACK: Bridget, Iíve not been entirely honest.
Bridget looks at him.
JACK (CONTíD): Mark thinks the baby isnít his. I let him believe it
was mine... thatís why he disappeared.
BRIDGET: Why would he think that?
JACK: Because I let him. You blind-sided me Bridget, with the chance to
have a family. I didnít want to lose you. We can be good for each other.
Ninety seven per cent, remember.
She drops her bags.
BRIDGET: Yes, on paper, and we might even be having a baby together, but
falling in love doesnít happen on paper. Sometimes it doesnít make any
sense at all. Sometimes you love a person for all the ways they are not
like you. Sometimes you just love a person because they feel like home.
She looks at him, in shock and confusion. She picks up her phone.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): I need to find Mark. (Into phone) Pierce? Itís
Bridget. Iím trying to get hold of Mark.
She listens, then looks hopeful.
EXT. BOROUGH MARKET. DAY.
A heavily pregnant Bridget Ďrunsí through the market.
EXT. SOUTHWARK BRIDGE. DAY.
Bridget crosses Southwark Bridge.
EXT. MARKíS HOUSE. DAY.
Bridget, breathless, turns the corner to see a taxi pull up. Mark gets out
with his suitcases.
Bridget, about to call out, when she sees his front door open and Camilla
waiting to greet him. She watches as they hug.
EXT. LONDON STREETS. DAY.
CHASING PAVEMENTS by Adele plays.
Bridget marches back towards her house, still reeling from what sheís
seen. She steps off the curb, not looking when a car screeches to a halt.
BEEEEEEEEEEP. Bridget steps back and looks down to her bump. Itís a wake
BRIDGET V.O.: And that was the moment I decided to stop. Stop trying... to
force everything to be like everyone thought it should be. Like I thought
it should be.
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. LATER.
Bridget comes in exhausted. She slumps down on a chair.
BRIDGET V.O.: It was backs to the wall, me and my sweet little lovely
baby, and I was bloody well going to make it work.
Bridget walks over to the African Village drawing, and crosses out Jack,
BRIDGET: Fucking Africans. What do they know?
EXT. STREET. EVENING. 7 MONTHS.
Itís Christmas. Bridget, now 7 months pregnant, sadly drags a Christmas
tree on her own to her apartment.
EXT. MUM AND DADíS HOUSE. DAY.
A bedraggled and miserable Bridget arrives in front of the house.
Taking the place of Christmas decorations is a ĎPamela Jones for
Councillorí campaign banner, that Dad is in the process of hanging. He
DAD: Ah, youíre here. Are you OK?
He gives her a huge hug - just what she needed.
INT. MUM AND DADíS HOUSE. DAY.
She enters - takes stock of the party, is clearly surprised.
DAD: Mumís throwing a combined Christmas party stroke political rally.
Itís like the G8 summit in there, but with pigs in blankets.
Mum spots Bridget and rushes across eyes wide with excitement.
BRIDGET: Iím sorry, I didnít realise everybody would be here, I
donít want to derail your campaign, I can just sneak upstairs.
MUM: Nonsense. Look Una had all the leaflets and posters re-printed,
youíve inspired me.
The slogans on the wall now read...
ĎTOLERANCE is not a four letter word, but PREJUDICE is a four letter
ĎPamela Jones - Supports Single Mothers, minorities, the majority of
BRIDGET: Wait, still reading, still so long.
MUM: You were right, darling, as it turns out, this place is teeming with
single mothers, single fathers, bisexuals, surrogates and they are all
lovely and so normal.
MUM (CONTíD): Family values arenít just about two married parents
anymore, Bridget. Iíve even got two homosexuals on the team.
Jeffrey and Graham wave.
MUM (CONTíD): Who knew?
MUM: I am very proud of you darling, you know that? What youíre
doing is not easy, but if anyone can make it work itís you. That child
is the luckiest boy on earth to have you as his Mum. Heíll have all the
support, protection and love of a million fathers as long as you are by
Bridget melts. Just what she needed. Dad looks across and smiles warmly at
MUM (CONTíD): Now come on, weíve got some campaigning to do.
Mum grabs Bridget and starts escorting her through the crowd.
MUM (CONTíD): Make way! Make Way! Pregnant single mother coming through.
INT. ANTE NATAL ROOM. DAY.
Bridget, minus the two men, at a scan. Dr Rawlings gives her an
DR RAWLINGS: Eight weeks to go.
Bridget musters a half hearted smile. Dr Rawlings detects the sadness.
DR RAWLINGS (CONTíD): You donít need them, you know. All theyíre
really useful for is fitting car seats and blaming things on. They just
get in the way. You can do this on your own, you know. I did. Next time I
see you, we will be in the delivery room.
Bridget smiles. The babyís image appears on screen. Bridget, spellbound,
by the fully-formed little being.
She looks to her belly. The camera follows her gaze and continues INSIDE
as the baby moves around, growing. A life forming all on its own.
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. LONDON. 7 WEEKS LATER. (36 WEEKS).
Bridget, her bump now bigger, struggles to load the laundry. She pours
Alpen muesli into the washing machine. She starts scooping out the Alpen;
a phenomenal mess.
INT. BABYíS ROOM. NIGHT.
Bridget defiantly paints over Jackís graphic mural.
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. NIGHT.
Back in the kitchen Bridget pours milk into the washing machine
compartment and starts eating the Alpen.
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIOS. CORRIDORS. DAY.
In another West Wing scenario, a heavily pregnant Bridget is now waddling
down the corridor with her researchers not so much in tow as walking
incredibly slowly to match the ponderous Bridget.
BRIDGET: We need to give six minutes to Lu Tong, itís a huge scoop.
LAURA: Alice wants to pull the interview, she has a feature on ĎIs the
world really ending on Tuesday?í
BRIDGET: Lu Tong is pulled over my dead body. This is a news show... Wait
She has to stop her West Wing walking for a little rest - she is totally
out of breath.
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIOS. RECEPTION. NIGHT.
A harried and breathless Bridget bustles in to the chaotic reception area.
She looks around and spots a Burmese man wearing a uniform.
BRIDGET: Sorry, itís chaos here today, but thank you for coming on.
Weíre on live in two minutes, Miranda will probably want to start with
whatís happening in Naypyidaw...
The Studio Guest tries to speak but Bridget hurries him along.
INT. GALLERY. HARD NEWS STUDIO. NIGHT.
Bridget sits in the gallery. The new-look, crowd-sourced news show is in
play. Up on screen appears a Poonani member at a press conference on the
POONANI MEMBER: This is a great victory for free speech. We must thank one
person who was prepared to fight for us when no one else would, and we say
to that person with all our hearts...
ON SCREEN: The Poonani girls lifting up their t-shirts in unison revealing
WE LOVE YOU MARK DARCY, QC scrawled across their bare breasts. The crowd
The camera swings to Mark Darcy smiling awkwardly.
The screen, now bearing Mark Darcyís image, freezes.
Bridget distracted. Her assistant nudges her.
BRIDGET (Barking into microphone): Miranda, youíre back on General Lu
Tong. Keep pressing him. This could make the front pages, Peabody!
RICHARD FINCH: Heís on the rack, tight on three, get those beads of
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIOS. NIGHT.
Miranda is interviewing the guest.
MIRANDA: Iíll ask you again, General Lu Tong will you take
responsibility for the human rights abuses perpetrated by your government?
GUEST: Iím sorry I canít answer that.
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIOS. GALLERY. NIGHT.
Bridget is triumphant. She shouts into the earpiece.
BRIDGET: Ha! Canít or wonít, Lu Tong?
REVEAL - Alice Peabody has sneaked in behind with an angry looking, very
dignified and smartly dressed man.
ALICE: On balance I would suggest Ďcanítí considering I just found
General Lu Tong in the lobby, and his chauffeur is currently live on air
answering questions about Burmese human rights violations. Good job!
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIOS. BOARDROOM. NEXT DAY.
Alice sits at her desk opposite Richard and Bridget. The front pages of
the newspaper reads ďSo long Lu Tong!Ē.
RICHARD: Itís actually illegal to fire somebody for being pregnant.
ALICE: Iím not firing her for being pregnant. Iím firing her for gross
RICHARD FINCH: Bridgetís the beating heart of this show, why would you
ALICE: How about for interviewing a chauffeur instead of a General,
publicly insulting the CEO of the London Media Show, using a TV interview
to determine if a guest might be the father of her child
being responsible for broadcast of 36 bare arses.
BRIDGET: Itís okay Richard. I was going to quit anyway. (To Alice)
Believe it or not, I was it like you when I started here, a bit chunkier
maybe, and with less make up. I was going to make my mark
But I canít be part of your ďre-brandingĒ. I havenít got the right
haircut, and I donít drink my cocktails out of jam jars or put photos of
my lunch on instagram. It might be old fashioned to want to
something worthwhile but Iíd rather be old fashioned and unemployed than
be part of a show that celebrates the inane.
Alice and her acolytes look at each other, shocked.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Maybe when my son is old enough to understand,
integrity will be fashionable again. Good luck and goodbye.
At the door, one of Aliceís hipster assistant hands her a box containing
her belongings. She walks out.
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. DAY.
Bridget arrives home, exhausted.
BRIDGET: Oh, dear. What have I done?
She opens the fridge. Nothing.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Itís all very well fighting for your principles when
thereís no food in the fridge.
Wearily, she heads back out.
INT. MARKíS HOUSE. BEDROOM. DAY.
Mark is searching in a drawer and finds the old reindeer jumper.
INT. MORRISONíS SUPERMARKET. EVENING.
Bridget struggling with her shopping, queues for the checkout.
SHOPPER: Is it a boy or a girl?
BRIDGET: Itís a boy.
SHOPPER: Whenís it due?
BRIDGET: Two weeks, more or less, I think!
Just as she gets to the checkout the cashier goes on her break.
Bridgetís long queue shuffles over to the next till.
CASHIER: Is it a boy or a girl?
CASHIER: Whenís it due?
BRIDGET: Um, two weeks, we think.
As the cashier rings up Bridgetís purchases, another shopper comes up
and stares at Bridgetís bump.
SHOPPER 2: Is itÖ
BRIDGET: Boy. Two weeks.
CASHIER (Talking to the next cashier): Did you read about the woman in
Italy who had a baby when she was sixty-five? (Turns to Bridget) That will
be £40.67 please. Enter your pin.
Bridget puts her card in machine, she goes blank.
BRIDGET: Iíve forgotten it. Oh, God.
The other customers in the queue are getting restive.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Iíll pay with cash.
She fumbles in her purse, and manages to rustle up £29.60.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Iíll put something back.
She starts to hand back some of the items, one by one, reluctantly. The
unhealthy ones first. The cashier de-scans them until the total is down to
At the last minute Bridget defiantly takes back a carton of Ben and
Jerryís bringing the total up to £23.10. Bridget marches out
triumphantly passing a lady who is entering the shop.
EXT. MARKíS HOUSE. DAY.
Mark is loading suitcases into a cab. Camilla exits the house. They BOTH
get into the car and drive off.
INT. HIGH STREET BANK. DAY.
Bridget is at an ATM in one of those bank lobbies, sheís still trying to
remember her PIN as she attempts to get cash.
BRIDGET (Mumbling): Birthday?
INCORRECT PIN flashes.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Battle of Hastings? ... First shag? ...
INCORRECT PIN flashes and the machine swallows the card.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Oh fuck it!
Bridget shuffles out.
BRIDGET (CONTíD) (To her tummy): Oh, my darling, Iíve gone all crap
all of a sudden.
EXT/INT. HEATHROW AIRPORT. SAME TIME. DAY.
Mark and his wife enter the airport with the suitcases. They pause at the
EXT. HIGH STREET BANK. DAY.
It starts to rain very hard. Bridget suddenly realizes, as the glass doors
close, that she has left all of her shopping inside the bank.
BRIDGET: Oh! Oh - come on, letís just get home.
INT. AIRPORT. SAME TIME. DAY.
Mark is helping Camilla at the check-in desk. He turns around, just in
time to see:
Tom and Eduardo, emerging into arrivals carrying their little boy. Tom
strokes his head. Eduardo fusses with the buggy. Mark watches this scene.
He smiles. He thinks. Unbeknownst, Camilla's observing him.
EXT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. DAY.
The rain is easing off. Bridget feels in her bag for her keys. She becomes
BRIDGET: Oh, no! Please no.
No keys. No phone.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Oh, no! Iíve left them inside! Oh, fuckity fuckity
fuckity fuck fuck. (To her tummy) Sorry.
She presses all the other buzzers. No answer... she slumps, utterly
defeated. She looks just like a crumpled old street-dweller.
BRIDGET V.O.: Iím so sorry, little bean. Everything that I need to call
someone for help is in my bag, and Iím just too exhausted to go back and
get it. I bet someoneís already tucking into my Ben and Jerryís right
now. I suppose I could call Jude or Shazzer, but I canít remember their
numbers these days, and itís probably bath time, bed time, or story
time, or some other inconvenient time. And Tomís got my spares, but
heís on his way back from Ecuador, so thatís no use to us. Hmm, I
wonder if Gianniís is open? Iíll just sit here for a little rest while
I come up with a plan.
She closes her eyes, starts to drift off.
EXT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. TRANSITION TO NIGHT.
She comes to, looks up and thinks sheís imagining... MARK DARCY coming
round the corner.
She watches him as he approaches. He gets near to her and thenÖ dips his
hand in his pocket and gives her a tenner. He then rings Bridgetís door
MARK: Bridget? My god. What are you doing there? Youíre all wet.
He kneels down, helps her up.
BRIDGET: I locked myself out. I lost my phoneÖ and my keysÖ and my
credit cards. Like a bloody idiot.
He puts his coat round her.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): What are you doing here?
MARK: It seems I can never, ever leave this street.
BRIDGET: But I thought you were back with Candida.
MARK: You know very well sheís called Camilla...
BRIDGET: Camilla. I came round to find you and she was there.
MARK: She was coming to collect her things. Sheís gone back to The
Without a beat he wraps his scarf around his hand and punches the glass of
the front door, before letting himself in.
INT. BRIDGETíS FLAT. NIGHT.
They are both now inside the flat, Bridget still reeling. Mark takes
Bridget in his arms.
MARK: Look you know I find emotional declarationsÖ difficult, but the
truth isÖ (A beat) Bridget?
MARK: Why are my trousers all warm?
BRIDGET: Oh!! Oh!! Fuck! My waters must have broken!
MARK: Jesus Christ!
BRIDGET: I am so sorry. Iíll get a cloth!
MARK: No, no. It doesnít matter. But youíre not due for another two or
three weeks at least.
A contraction. She winces.
BRIDGET: Ooh! And thatís a contraction.
MARK: And we are ruling out ďBraxton HicksĒ which tend to be longer
and non - rhythmic in natureÖ
BRIDGET: Yes we bloody are. I think we should go to the hospital, quickly.
Suddenly the mood is all urgent action whilst trying to maintain calm.
BRIDGET: Weíll go in your car.
MARK: I came in a cab.
BRIDGET (Contraction): Oh, for fuckís sake!
MARK: Well how was I supposed to know!?
BRIDGET: Not you - the contractions!
MARK: Weíll take your car.
BRIDGET: Canít, the keys are in my bag along with everything else.
She lets out a scream.
MARK: Right. Ok. You just pant and breathe and relax and count. Thatís
what youíre supposed to do, right?
Darcyís phone starts to ring. Will he answer?
BRIDGET: 41, 42, 43, 44... Should you get that? It might be work.
Mark marches over to the window and in a dramatic gesture, goes to throw
the phone out.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Donít!
But he throws it out triumphantly. Heís proved himself.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Great! But we need to get a cab.
MARK: Oh shit... Can I borrow a phone?
She throws him the house phone. He starts to dial.
MARK (CONTíD): Whereís your overnight bag?
BRIDGET: ... 48 ... 49 ... over there.
MARK: Hi there. A cab from 7A Stonier Street.
A great suite of immense luggage.
MARK (CONTíD): Good God, Bridget, itís an overnight bag,
do you really needÖ
BRIDGET: Donít shout at me! Iíve lost count now. 48 Ö 49 Ö
(Another contraction) Ohhhhhhhhh!
BRIDGET: Iím sorry but itís painful.
MARK: No, not you. 45 minutes for a cab, apparently itís gridlock.
BRIDGET: What do we do?
Mark looks out of the window and sees Gianniís pizza van.
MARK: Weíll work something out. Iíll carry the bags. And we should
INT. GIANNIíS PIZZA DELIVERY VAN. NIGHT.
Bridget and Mark are in Gianniís pizza delivery van. Bridget is in some
GIANNI: Donít worry, Miss Bridget, we get you thereÖ no traffic this
time of night.
The van stops. Mark looks confused.
GIANNI (CONTíD): A Quattro Stagioni and Margherita with onion and
pineapple for number 17.
Gianni hands 3 pizzas to Mark, he realizes itís futile to argue and
rushes out. Gianni turns to a panting Bridget.
GIANNI (CONTíD): Who has pineapple and onion - some people they a-crazy.
Mark returns from his delivery and the van moves off again.
GIANNI (CONTíD): Dio Mio! Itís like rush hour, Mr Mark.
The van stops again.
INT/EXT GIANNIíS PIZZA DELIVERY VAN. NIGHT.
All three in Gianniís van. He is trying to avoid the traffic. He does a
3-point turn and then goes uphill.
EXT. LONDON STREETS. NIGHT.
The roads are indeed gridlocked and Bridget is in real pain.
BRIDGET: This is really happening, Iím going to be a mother, Mark. Have
I left it too late...?
Before Mark can answer Gianni pipes up.
GIANNI: Do not worry about the age, there was a woman in my country, she
was 65 when sheÖ
BRIDGET: YES! I KNOW!
They hit traffic again and come to a stand still.
GIANNI: Is unbelievable, is a bloody womenís rights march. You know
Iím a big fan of womenís rightsÖ And their lefts. Yes Mr Mark? You
get it, their lefts? I talk about their boobies.
MARK: Oh Christ, itís those infernal women.
Hundreds of incensed chanting women on bicycles with placards block the
BACK IN THE CAB:
Hold my hand - squeeze my
hand, hard as you like Ė not long now - stay calm - actually,
not too hard.
17 ... 18 ... 19 ... 20 ... 21 ...
22, 23, 24, 25 - theyíre coming quicker - oh my god we need to get
Gianni honks repeatedly on the horn.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Right. Weíre getting out. You ready?
And they step out into the street.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): I donít think I can walk.
MARK: Thereís no need. Iíll carry you.
GIANNI: I come behind with bag Mr Mark.
And thereís a great rush of romantic music as, in true Officer
and Gentleman-style, Mark lifts her into his arms.
BRIDGET: I must be very heavy.
MARK: Nonsense, I donít feel a thing!
CUT to ten yards later. Gasping, red-faced, doubled over, Mark canít go
one step further.
MARK (CONTíD): Good God, Bridget, youíre immense!
BRIDGET: I canít help it!
MARK: I think my lungís collapsed, but this is not about me.
BRIDGET: Contractionís starting again! Iím going to have the baby in
MARK: Okay, weíll walk for ten, rest for ten.
And he hauls Bridget on towards the hospital.
EXT. STREETS NEAR HOSPITAL. NIGHT.
Mark is still carrying her. Almost on his knees... when Jack, on his
motorcycle, screeches to a halt.
He gets off.
JACK: Iíll take it from here!
Darcy hands Bridget over to Jack. He tries to carry her.
JACK (CONTíD): Holy shit - I think this is a two man job.
EXT/INT. HOSPITAL. LABOUR UNIT. NIGHT.
Mark and Jack carry Bridget in through the doors. A MIDWIFE runs up with a
MIDWIFE: Which of you is the father?
Mark and Jack step forward.
MARK/JACK (In unison): I am.
The mid-wife looks confused, but ushers them into the delivery room.
INT. HOSPITAL. BIRTHING ROOM. NIGHT.
Bridget is on her hands and knees on the birthing bed. Mark and Jack
simultaneously rub her back.
Two midwives busy themselves preparing the equipment.
DR RAWLINGS enters the room and looks from JACK to MARK, and smiles
DR RAWLINGS: Ah, I was wondering how many fathers we might get today -
full house! Bingo! (Calm) OK Bridget, how are we going to do this?
JACK: You can do this, a positive mental attitude is stronger than any
drug, think away the pain.
BRIDGET: Bollocks to that. I want everything - gas, air, injections,
JACK: Bridget... Remember your yoga.
BRIDGET: Fuck yoga!
DR RAWLINGS: Couldnít agree more. Itís supposed to be relaxing but I
spend my entire time worried that Iím going to let out a fart. Now, let
me have a look at that cervix of yours.
She lifts up Bridgetís gown and Jack canít help but get a look at the
Ďaction areaí. He looks queasy. A blood curdling scream comes from the
woman giving birth in the room next door.
DR RAWLINGS (CONTíD): Oh, good!
CLOSE on Bridgetís relief.
DR RAWLINGS (CONTíD): Youíre already at six centimetres so you canít
have any drugs at all.
DR RAWLINGS: Youíre too far on. Oooh another contraction.
Bridget winces in excruciating pain. Jack and Mark wince as Bridget
DR RAWLINGS (CONTíD): (To Jack and Mark) Iím not sure there is much to
gain from you being at the coal face, if Iím honest. My ex-husband said
it was like watching his favourite pub burn down.
Another huge scream.
MIDWIFE: Maybe dad should go and fetch mum a cool flannel.
Mark and Jack look confused, unsure which of them should go, there is a
bit of awkwardness then Mark goes to get it.
Mark returns with a cool flannel in his hand, Jack grabs it from him and
places it on Bridgetís forehead, leaving Mark floundering and annoyed.
JACK: You can do this, just think the pain away.
As Jack gets closer, gently imploring her to manage the pain, she lifts
her fist and punches him hard in the face, knocking him down.
JACK (CONTíD): Motherfuckers!
MARK: Just think the pain away...
Jack nurses his bleeding nose.
BRIDGET: GET OUT! BOTH OF YOU!
Unwilling to infuriate her more, the men share a look and both go to
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Make it stop, make the pain stop. (To the departing
men) WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
Both men are at the door, look at each other and turn round, sheepishly
making their way back towards the bed.
BRIDGET: Itís too painful! I canít do this I just canít.
CUT TO LATER.
Bridget lets out a blood curdling scream, she is clearly in huge pain.
Both men simultaneously put out their hands for support, but as she
screams, just as the pain appears that it might be too much and faced with
the choice of the two men in her life, impulsively, instinctively, she
reaches forÖ MARK.
Jack sees this and realizes that Bridget has made her choice. As Bridget
clings to Mark, the two men share a look. Jack gives a conciliatory and
defeated nod then quietly, graciously, withdraws from the room.
Oblivious to this, Bridget continues to squeeze Markís hand with
superhuman might. He swallows his anguish and puts his face in front of
Bridget so she can see him.
MARK: You can! You can do it, Bridget! And we can do it together.
MARK: Look at what lifeís thrown at you already.
As he talks, Bridget grabs his arm and starts to bite into it - itís
clearly extraordinarily painful, but Mark just grits his teeth and talks
through the agony, barely letting it register.
MARK (CONTíD): Christmas jumpers, massive pants, cheating boyfriends and
repressed men who donít deserve you. Youíve turned disasters into
triumphs with your sheer joyful, infectious, indefatigable lust for life,
time after time in succession. Youíve managed your pregnancy almost
entirely alone whilst having to deal with two juvenile men, a lunatic
mother and... P... P... Poonani!
He finally said it! She bites down harder. Mark conceals the pain.
MARK (CONTíD): This is just the last few moments and at the end of them,
youíll see your beautiful baby!
BRIDGET: And what if the baby isnít yours? What if heís Jackís?
MARK (No hesitation): Then I will love him anyway. Just like I love you,
just the way you were; the way you are; and - no doubt - the way you
always will be...
Bridget looks at Mark through the red haze. Heís making sense. Then the
next pain is upon her and she bows her head to it.
She takes her teeth out of his now bloody arm, teethmarks apparent. He
turns his back to her and lets out a massive silent scream.
DR RAWLINGS: You should probably go and get those seen to. Iíll handle
it from here.
She ushers him out.
DR RAWLINGS (CONTíD): Honestly... Ďthink the pain awayí ... absolute
nonsense, youíre squeezing out another human, Iíd love to see them
Ďthink it awayí. Youíre doing brilliantly, Bridget
youíre nearly there.
BRIDGET: I canítÖ
DR RAWLINGS (Firm): Yes, you can actually, and I think you know it.
INT. GRAFTON UNDERWOOD VILLAGE HALL. NIGHT.
Itís the night of the election, and the recount has gone on late into
the night. Mum is on stage, next to all the other candidates, awaiting the
results. Una stands next to her.
UNA: The results are in.
A formal looking official clutching a piece of paper approaches the
microphone. Mum - tenses then braces herself.
OFFICIAL: With three hundred and sixty-six of the votes, Mavis Rita
Dad fights his way to the stage, phone in hand.
OFFICIAL: With three hundred and sixty-seven of the votes...
DAD: Darling, itís Bridget.
OFFICIAL: Pamela Margaret Jones.
MUM: Not now, Colin.
DAD: Itís about the baby.
OFFICIAL: Ladies and Gentleman, I hereby declare that the said Pamela
Margaret Jones is duly elect...
Mum leans over to whisper in his ear. The mic picks it up.
MUM: Iím so sorry, you will have to excuse me. Weíre about to become a
There are cheers from her supporters and she scurries off the stage,
pushing Una forward as she goes.
MUM (CONTíD): Iíll leave you in the capable hands of my deputy, Una.
Mum and Dad rush out of the hall, leaving the official and other
candidates totally confused.
INT. HARD NEWS STUDIOS. NIGHT.
Miranda is finishing up presenting the programme.
MIRANDA: And thatís all for this late night special edition of Hard
She looks up at the control room and Richard Finch is fist pumping the
air. He shouts into his headset.
MIRANDA (CONTíD): Except to say, Bridget Jones is in labour.
Alice Peabody lets out a small, but discernible, smile.
INT. HOSPITAL. LABOUR UNIT. EARLY MORNING.
The injured men sit next to each other, heads between hands, slumped,
exhausted, both bandaged from their Bridget-induced wounds.
JACK: Sheís pretty amazing, isnít she?
MARK: Formidable, always has been.
JACK: Listen, I owe you an apology. I know I havenít behaved very well
in all this.
MARK: Itís okay.
CUT TO LATER.
Itís early morning after what has clearly been a long night. Jack and
Mark are fast asleep in the waiting room chairs. Jackís head resting on
Markís shoulder. Suddenly there is a huge cry like a great lionís
roar. They wake up with a start, and whirl round to look at the door.
Seconds later, the mewl of a new-born babe.
INT. HOSPITAL. BIRTHING ROOM. EARLY MORNING.
Bridget is on the bed. The midwife is standing beside her and Dr
Rawlings watches on, happy.
The sudden cessation of pain has flooded her body with endorphins and she
is in a blissful state. In her arms, a naked baby, still attached to the
umbilical cord, yells lustily. Bridget looks up at the haggard faces
BRIDGET: We did it! Say hello to our beautiful boy!
Jack embraces Mark and kisses him. Mark almost kisses him back, then stops
Mark rushes to Bridgetís side and for a moment they both look down at
the mite in her arms, the perfect, everyday miracle.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Letís tell everyone.
MARK: Why donít you tell them yourself, theyíre all here.
He opens the door and Jude, Shazzer and Tom pop their heads in blowing
kisses and congratulating her. Bridget smiles at them, so happy.
INT. HOSPITAL. LABOUR UNIT. BRIDGETíS ROOM. DAY.
Bridget cradles the baby, who is now washed and swaddled and quite simply
the most beautiful thing ever. One by one, the friends rush in.
CLOSE on Jude.
JUDE: So sorry, Iím late Bridge, some Lesbians are having a stupid all
MARK: Actually theyíre marching in aid of freedom of speech, itís a
Shazzer rushes in.
SHAZZER: Bridge - I canít believe I wasnít here - thereís some
unbelievably annoying march...
BRIDGET: Donít worry. I would onlyíve punched you as well.
MARK: Actually, the march is rather...
Tom rushes in.
TOM: Can I be Godfather?
BRIDGET: Iím depending on you.
They all clasp hands tightly. The vignette is interrupted by a loud
MUM O.S.: Bridget Jones! My daughter! Sheís my daughter! Where is she?
The thundering of blue heels as Mum approaches. She is ushered in.
Everyone else draws back.
MUM (CONTíD): So sorry we didnít get here on time, there is some march
for womenís rights. Honestly, do we really need any more rights?
Mum, tearful and overjoyed all at once, kisses Bridget wherever she can
get at her.
BRIDGET: Meet your grandson, Mum.
MUM: Grandson! My grandson! Say hello to new Parish Councillor Jones.
Bridget beams at them both.
MUM (CONTíD): Oh - the darling! He looks so like - oh. Not that it
matters, but do we know who Daddy is yet?
Everyone turns to look at the men - Mark with a bloodboltered bandage on
his forearm and Jack, not looking rich at all with a wodge of loo-paper up
his nostril. Dr. Rawlings bends a finger at the two of them.
DR. RAWLINGS: Come along, you two. Time for a little test, so exciting,
itís like the final of X Factor. Phone in adding an 01 for Mark or an 02
if you want it to be Jack.
Mark and Jack look at each other. They shake hands.
MARK: Good luck.
JACK (Gravely): And to you, my friend.
CLOSE on Bridget - still high on her endorphins, regarding Mark with love
and Jack with affection.
Back on the men as they turn to her - FREEZE on their faces.
Over this, the sound of a babyís laugh. The best sound in the world, in
fact. It laughs and laughs.
A caption comes up: ONE YEAR LATER.
INT. CHURCH. DAY.
Bridget Jones, finally a bride, enters at the back of the church on
dadís arm, smiling, nervous.
She walks down the aisle passing Miranda, Richard, the friends, Una, Mum,
Dad and other friends and relatives.
Bridget arrives at the altar. Jack steps forward.
JACK (To Bridget): You look beautiful.
She smiles. Jack steps aside - to REVEAL - Mark Darcy.
MARK: Weíre really doing this.
On the congregation smiling, happy.
BRIDGET: Thereís no going back now.
MINISTER: We are gathered here to celebrate the union of Bridget Rose
Jones and Mark Fitzwilliam Darcy.
Bridget and Mark stand together, holding hands.
MINISTER (CONTíD): I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Bridget and Mark kiss.
EXT. WEDDING RECEPTION. DAY.
A laughing William is thrown high into the brightest, bluest sky.
Laughing, giggling, hysterical, idyllic.
Y: Whatís that, higher?
And he throws the laughing boy even higher.
X O.S.: Y, what are you doing with my son?
X and Bridget approach hand in hand.
Y: Donít leave me alone with him again. Iíve no idea what Iím doing.
BRIDGET: Come on. Weíll be late for lunch.
The two men lift the baby up and join Bridget. She takes the baby and
gives him a big smacker.
BRIDGET (CONTíD): Alright then, William X X. Hashtagletsdothis!
Bridget takes a moment to survey the scene. It is a motley crew and no
She watches as X walks ahead, chatting animatedly with Y.
BRIDGET V.O.: Dear Diary, and so I Bridget Jones am a singleton no more...
married? Yes. Finally. Smug? Maybe just a little.
Bridget swipes a glass of champagne, knocks it back.
On a nearby park bench, a newspaper flaps in the breeze. The
newspaper headline reads: ďAIRPLANE FOUND IN BUSH ONE YEAR LATER.
PUBLISHING PLAYBOY MIRACULOUSLY ALIVEĒ. A photograph shows a bearded
Daniel Cleaver standing surrounded by several gorgeous Aboriginal women.