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Friday 17 November 9st 4, cigarettes 12 (vg), alcohol units 4 (vg), calories 2,000 (g),
Instants 3 (g). I
am so excited about Princess Diana on Monday. I love things like this
which bring the whole nation together, like VE Day and Pride and
Prejudice. Magda and Jeremy are having a "Dianarama" party,
but I am going to watch it on my own so I can really enjoy it, then ring
everyone after. Blimey, must hurry. About to go on date with Diet
Coke-esque young whippersnapper. Got myself into a mess last week by
boasting fraudulently to the Smug Marrieds that I had a youthful
boyfriend, at which they demanded his presence at one of their dinner
parties. Happily, Tom came up trumps by producing the divine
"Gav", who behaved exquisitely, flirting with all the wives
and fawning over me. Unfortunately,
I was so overcome with gratitude* in the taxi on the way back I was
powerless to resist his advances**. I did, however, manage to get a grip
of myself*** and not accept his invitation to go in for coffee.
Subsequently, however, I felt guilty about being a prickteaser****, so
when Gav rang and asked me round to dinner tonight I accepted
graciously.***** Later.
Feel like Old Woman of the Hills. Made a complete arse of myself on the
way by boasting to taxi driver that my boyfriend was cooking me supper,
then not being able to find his house. Once
there, started discussing Princess Diana. "It seemed such a fairy-
tale, I remember sitting on that wall outside St Paul's," I said.
"Were you there?" Gav looked embarrassed. "Um, I was only
six at the time." Eventually
we gave up on conversation and Gav, with tremendous excitement (this, I
recall, the fabulous thing about 22-year-olds) began to kiss me and
simultaneously try to find entrances to my clothes. Eventually he
managed to slide his hand over my stomach, at which point he said - Oh
God, it was so humiliating - "Mmmmmm. You're all squashy." Monday 20 November 9st, cigarettes 40 (but Special Day), alcohol units 6 (ditto), calories
(but see later). 9.35pm. Hurry
up, I have been ready since 9 o'clock. Am in danger of getting all my
treats before it even begins - have already eaten four smoked salmon
pinwheels and three Belgian chocolates. Just looked out of the window
and it's like Christmas - the streets deserted and everyone cosily
united in front of the telly in a common purpose. "Twas the hour
before Princess Diana interview/And all through the house/Not a creature
was stirring/ Not even a mouse." Really, it is so generous of Her
to do this for Her subjects just when it has turned freezing cold. Fantastic.
Second it finished had to nip out for fags and bumped into the guy who
runs the Greek restaurant round the corner. "Bloody witch," he
said. "Queen of Hearts? She want to love me? - she empty my whole
bloody restaurant all evening." On return, Tom rang up, livid
because she had taken "the boys" to see someone dying of Aids
and told them it was cancer. He also considered she had too much blusher
on. Simon said she was nauseous. But Sharon and I think she made a
profound feminist statement and is the patron saint or mascot of
Singletons. "She
is a walking bloody symbol of our experience," bellowed Sharon.
"Start off thinking one's purpose is to marry a handsome prince,
get undermined and hurt by alleged princes, who are jealous of any
ability you have, find out you are better off on your own, get branded a
basket case: did you hear her? 'People think that a man is the only
answer. Actually a fulfilling job is better for me.' " "Hurrah!"
I shouted. Princess
Diana, in my view, is a champion of women's instinctive emotional
intuitive response to the world such as has always been dismissed by men
as neurotic nonsense compared with merchant banking, etc. But it is not
nonsense, it is the way half the world operates, and it is outrageous
that men have for so long got away with arrogantly dismissing and
neglecting our needs and differing approach. Huh... Princess Diana vs
the old-style Royals is like new Labour as opposed to Thatcherism.
"Maybe there's a lot of women out there who suffer on the same
level but are unable to stand up for themselves," she says. Yes. Also,
what is the monarchy about if not emotion and symbolism? What is the
royal job if not morale-boosting, fund-raising and awareness-spreading?
Princess Diana is a million times better at it than anyone else. If she
does another broadcast and says everyone has to ring in and pledge money
to "battered this or battered that" before she will tell us if
she slept with Will Carling, then Children in Need eat your heart out.
Maybe she'll do it on Christmas Day instead of the Queen's Speech. Ugh.
Feel sick though. I have eaten 12 salmon pinwheels, a piece of Parmesan,
4 Hobnobs and the whole box of Belgian chocolates. Ugh, ugh (think I
will definitely start wearing lip-gloss again, by the way). Later.
Eating all those treats was great at the time, but then my stomach felt
completely bloated and I was miserable and disgusted with myself. Then I
remembered Princess Diana and knew exactly what I should do. Feeling
much better and emptier now. *
Lust. **
Put my hand on his knee. ***
Panic. ****
Couldn't stop thinking "damn, damn, damn". ***** Could barely contain my excitement. |