Friday 28 July
8st 12. Circumference of thighs 18 inches (honestly, what is the bloody
point), alcohol units 3 (but v pure sort of wine) cigarettes 7 (but did
not inhale), calories 1,500 (good, but wrong things) teas 0, coffees 3
(but made with real coffee beans thus less cellulite-inducing).
now, to free self's thighs of cellulite. Have embarked on detoxification
programme involving no tea, no coffee, no alcohol, no white flour, no
milk and what was it? Oh well. No fish maybe. Anyway, what you have to
do is dry-skin brushing for five minutes every morning then a 15-minute
bath containing anti-cellulite essential oils, during which one kneads
one's cellulite in manner of dough, followed by massaging more
anti-cellulite oil into the cellulite.
last bit puzzles me - does the anti-cellulite oil soak into the
cellulite through the skin? In which case, if you put self-tanning
lotion on, does that mean you get suntanned cellulite inside? Or
sun-tanned blood? Or a suntanned lymphatic drainage system? Urgh. Anyway
I am very excited about the new programme (Cigarettes. That was the
other thing. No cigarettes. Oh well. Too late now. I'll do that
to find new form of exercise. Gym membership, though expensive, does not
seem really to be working out. Have only been twice in the past six
months, both times to buy a sandwich. Fully intend to go three times a
week but it seems such a horrible idea when it comes to it. The men
grunt when they are lifting weights and wear silly little slippery shiny
shorts, often with loose legs and nothing underneath.
Perpetua is in Siena so have been working at home this week, but now
Friday has come, realise little has been achieved. Anti-cellulite
programme is taking up good bit of time, obviously, but does not account
for loss of entire week, though it has been hot. Resolve to concentrate
for next two hours. Or maybe more useful to make time and motion study
of work pattern.
Notice middle nail on right hand a touch on the scratchy side.
Go into fantasy of how pleasantly different it would be having sex if
did not have cellulite on thighs - could move around room freely and
naturally instead of draping weird things that come to hand round nether
regions and reversing out of doorway. Also could absolutely assume
position of choice during activity instead of avoiding any cellulite
Start having paranoid fantasy for no reason about Daniel having an
affair with someone else. Think up dignified, but cutting, remarks.
11.35 to 11.40. Bit of work.
really is scratchy. Decide if I don't do something about it, I'll start
picking at it and next thing I'll have no fingernail left. Resolve to go
find emery board. Come to think of it, nail varnish generally is looking
a bit scrotty. Need to take it all off and start again. Get up, which
involves unplugging laptop, taking feet off chair, unplugging fan,
moving chair, knock over coffee. Go fetch cloth to mop up coffee.
Suddenly remember how fed up I am that Daniel will not come on holiday
with me. Call Tom (emergency: psychological crisis). Tom says it is much
more fun to go on holiday with somebody you are not having a
relationship with because if you go on holiday with someone you are
having a relationship with, particularly in the early stages, you spend
the whole time worrying about how the relationship is going, instead of
just enjoying being in a lovely place. So maybe he and I should go
together. It is far better to go with a few chums, he says, then you can
have a hoot over dinner.
from sex, I say. Apart from sex, he agrees. Holidays are very expensive,
he adds. It's not just the holiday itself, it's all the things you end
up buying at the airport - films in packets of three when 36 photos of
one holiday is enough for anyone but you end up taking 108 photos and
having to have 108 photos developed. Also it is stupid taking so many
pictures on holiday because when you are old, the thing you will really
want is to have pictures of everyday life. Arrange to meet Tom tonight
with brochures to plan fantasy, or phantom, holiday.
Decide to go see if any brochures have come in second post. Nothing.
Shorts and T-shirt are too hot and uncomfortable. Resolve to change into
long floaty dress. Put long floaty dress on. Unfortunately, pants show
through dress. Decide to change into different pants, although no one in
house to see see-through dress pant gaffe. Cannot find requisite
washing in and make do with visible pants in meantime.
Remember about nail varnish.
Return to work station with emery board, nail varnish remover pads,
cotton wool, nail varnish. Is toe-nail varnish sexy or common?
this afternoon I am really going to work and get everything done before
the weekend. V sleepy though. It's so hot. Maybe I'll just close my eyes
for five minutes. Catnaps are said to be an excellent way of reviving
oneself. Maybe I'll lie down on the bed.