Me
and Mrs (Miss, Ms)
JONES
By Chloe
Fox
| British Vogue - November 2013
Dating again, back in London and as hapless as ever... Helen Fielding and
her alter ego Bridget Jones are back. Chloe
Fox tries to separate the writer from our favourite everywoman.
Photographs by Jason Bell.
JULY
2013
Alcohol units: 0. Cigarettes: 0. Calories: 500. Weight: 5lbs lost (v
disciplined, helped by trepidation about v intimidating Vogue photo
shoot tomorrow).
On the surface, there’s nothing Bridget Jones-like about the elegant
woman tapping at her laptop with manicured nails when I arrive at the
airy Primrose Hill pub she has chosen for our meeting. No chardonnay. No
overflowing ashtray. Or expanded waistline, for that matter. Fielding is
groomed, toned and honey-gold, dressed in a navy-blue silk Diane von
Furstenberg shirtdress and tasteful gold jewellery. “It’s my version
of the Dalai Lama’s robes,” she smiles conspiratorially. “My
failsafe. If I ever don’t know what to wear — which is usually — I
just wear the same thing, which is this.” Fielding, who doesn’t look
anywhere near her 55 years, still wears glasses, and has to put them on
to read the menu.
“Broad beans? No, too bloaty. Potatoes? Too fattening, I suppose.
I’ve lost five pounds recently and I can’t walk past the scales
without getting on and having a look, just so I can feel pleased all
over again.” She orders the first of four Diet Cokes (“I’m
addicted, despite the fact that it gives me terrible wind”) and then
has to change her spectacles for her prescription sunglasses so that she
can cut out the glare of the rays that are flooding in through the
windows. “I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve got home from
the school run and thought, ‘Oh God, everything is so dark and gloomy,
I’m so depressed!’ and then realised that it's actually because
I’ve got my dark glasses on.”
For the best part of the past year, Fielding has been “largely
feral”, writing Mad about the Boy,
the much-anticipated third instalment of Bridget Jones’s
Diary. “When I was in the thick of it, I wore the same black
trousers and black jumper with a dog on the front for months with my
hair all over the place,” Fielding continues. “Thank goodness for
the children [Dash, nine, and Romy, seven] is all I can say. Having them
forced me to stick to some sort of routine, rather than sitting at my
computer day and night, chewing on old bits of cheese.”
Instantly confessional, with a sharp, self-deprecating sense of humour,
Fielding is as hard not to like as the chaotic alter ego who has made
her such a great literary success. But let’s be clear: Helen Fielding
is not Bridget Jones. “I wrote her as a made-up character to deflect
the attention from me, but everyone thought it was me anyway,” the
author confides in her quiet northern lilt.
It is now 17 years since Bridget Jones’s Diary — a novel that
started life as a spoof column in The Independent — became a
global publishing phenomenon and changed the life of its author who,
like Bridget, was a thirty something singleton living in Notting Hill
and working in the media. Up until that point, Fielding (who is now
worth an estimated £17 million) had been living a fairly dead-end
freelance existence, having graduated from Oxford with a 2:2 in English,
working as a production manager on various children’s
shows at the BBC, including (“Eek, don’t ask!”) Jim’ll Fix It. From the outset, though, she had a comic’s skill for
telling hilarious anecdotes. “Her description of how badly she was
doing at work was part of her charm,” says her onetime boyfriend
Richard Curtis, who recalls her stories about being “a catalogue of
chaos on Slue Peter and ‘Noel Edmonds's Multi-Coloured
Wop-Pop’,” as she called Swap Shop. “Helen’s ability to
see the funniness in herself was definitely part of what became
Bridget,” he continues. “She obviously isn’t Bridget but she
can’t deny that there is Bridget-like behaviour.”
“I once wrote an article about car burglar alarms and sent it to The
Guardian” says
Fielding of her earliest failures as a freelance writer. “I would
literally ring them every week asking if they’d read it. Every time,
they would say they hadn’t but they would get to it soon. After the
whole Bridget thing happened, they asked me to write a piece for
them. I said, ‘Well, you’ve got that one on car burglar alarms you
could use...’”
Nobody, least of all Fielding — who had plotted the novel version of
the columns around Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice for no reasons other than “it was on the telly at the time and
everyone seemed to like it” — expected
anything to come of Bridget Jones’s Diary. “We had a little
publication party at L’Escargot,” she remembers. “There were about
20 people there and I was so drunk when I was signing books that I just
sort of scrawled all
over them.” It wasn't until the book came out in paperback in 1997
that “the madness began”.
Fielding was overwhelmed, to say the least. The day she got her first
royalty cheque, she just sat and stared at it for what felt like
forever. And for several months this feeling of confusion didn’t go
away. “I had to really figure out how the success thing worked and
what it meant,” she remembers. “To start with, I didn't really
understand. I felt quite guilty and confused; I thought that if I went
out and bought something extravagant, like a business-class ticket or a
Gucci handbag, that all the money would go away.”
Overnight, wherever she went, whatever she did, people wanted to talk
about Bridget. “It was a bit startling really; all these fabulous
women coming up to me at parties, spewing out every intimate detail of
their lives and telling me that they felt just like Bridget did. It was
almost like they were looking for absolution, that they needed me to
say, ‘Bless you, my child. You are normal.’”
“It was really very difficult for her,” remembers her old friend,
the writer Jane Wellesley. “It made her very unsettled and rather
wary.” On one occasion, Fielding got back to her house in Notting Hill
to find a motorbike parked outside her house. Presuming it was the
paparazzi, she got really angry — only to discover that it was in fact a Domino’s
Pizza delivery bike. “And having been in an affronted rage, I then
veered into a state of self-pity. ‘Oh... No one cares about me...
Don’t they know who I am?’ I realised that wanting the Domino’s
Pizza man to be a press photographer so that I could be cross about it
was quite a weird and messed-up place to be in.”
The follow-up, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason,
was written in a cottage in the Cotswolds in a blur of neurosis.
“I was very lathered about it and aware of all the noise, full of
worry and all over the place.” Having been happy with the length of
the first book, Fielding decided to make the second book exactly the
same length. She finally submitted almost exactly the same number of
pages to her publisher. But when the proofs came back, the book was
double the length; it turned out that she had double-spaced the first
book, but not the second.
The resulting publicity tour took her to Los Angeles, which “seemed
sort of miraculous with its sunset and heady air of the Wild West”,
and Fielding spontaneously decided to make a move to get away from the
hype. “Plus I realised that for the same price as my small, terraced
house in Notting Hill I could get one of those flashy boxes with a
swimming pool.” As a child, Fielding had dreamt of having a swimming
pool. “We used to go on our holidays in a camper van,” she
remembers. “Six of us, driving round Europe, looking for campsites
with pools. To my mind, swimming pools were what writers had, and when I
was a writer I was going to have my own.”
Fielding was born in Morley, a small industrial town in Yorkshire, where
her father was the manager of a mill that made cloth for miners’
donkey jackets. The second of four children, she grew up wanting to be a
writer (her paternal grandmother, fittingly, was the writer of an agony
column) and, as a wilful, fiercely independent teenager, began writing
poetry — “usually about kissing boys under motorway bridges”.
There was also one called, simply, “Stew”, which drew a complex
analogy between stew and life. “My brother had it framed and put up in
the toilet and at the bottom he wrote: ‘Also available, Ham and
Eggs’.”
Even in her early work, Fielding can find her older writerly self,
obsessively editing (endless crossings-out and rewordings) and very,
very poor punctuation. “I still, to this day, have no idea where to
put the apostrophe in Bridget Jones’s Diary.”
If comedy is Fielding’s weapon, it is also her refuge. She is much
happier making jokes than she is scouring the landscape of her own life.
When she was just 24, her father was killed in a car accident. “It was
horrible and shocking,” she says quietly. “And it made me very aware
that life is complicated and precarious. It’s like the keys of a
piano, isn’t it? There are white notes and black notes. And there’s
a tragi- comic element in my writing ; the happy ending is just where
you choose to end a book. Life, with all its twists and turns, carries
on beyond it.”
According to its author, the new, more grown-up Bridget Jones will be
the star of a much darker book than the two that have come before.
“She’s older and tough things have happened to her,” she says
enigmatically, before confiding what
those tough things actually are. (Unfortunately, I can’t tell you
because then I would have to kill you, if the publishers at Jonathan
Cape haven't killed me first.) The only tidbit I can tempt you with is
that Bridget, like her creator, is a single mother, trying to navigate
the pitfalls of motherhood and middle age. “In the same way as the
whole tragic, barren spinster thing was hopelessly outdated when I wrote
the first book,” she says, “the idea of a middle-aged woman being
expected to start growing curly grey hair and wheeling a shopping bag is
totally irrelevant. Women of my age are still dating, having sex and
looking great. A woman's sell-by date is getting later and later, and
quite right, too.”
It is not a book she had ever intended to write. “The publishers gave
up asking me years ago,” she laughs. Within months of moving to Los
Angeles, Fielding — by then in her forties — entered a new phase of
life, falling in love with The Simpsons screenwriter Kevin Curran
(they were engaged but never married) and giving birth to Dash, in 2004,
and a daughter, Romy, two years later. “The hospital classified me as
a geriatric mother,” she laughs.
With motherhood, Fielding unearthed a whole new realm of comic potential
(starting with an email announcing Dash’s birth in which she forgot to
delete a joke about having died, tragically, in childbirth). Having
always feared that she might not have children, she was thrilled when
she did. And totally unprepared. “I remember once holding Dash in the
kitchen and thinking, ‘Oh God, what if I put him in the
microwave?’”
For a while Fielding turned her back on fiction writing, a fact brought
home one day while visiting the library in Los Angeles with her children
— the librarian looked at her card and announced that their mother
“used to be a very famous author”. But she didn’t stop working:
she had a hand in the screenplays for both Bridget Jones films, and is
credited as an executive producers on Bridget Jones’s Diary.
For the past eight years she has also been heavily involved with the
creation of a Bridget Jones musical — written by Fielding and
scored by Lily Allen — which has reached the workshop stage. The
project is currently on hold, but Fielding (who, one gets the
impression, has exacting expectations) has high hopes for its future. In
2009, Fielding's relationship with Curran came to an amicable end and
she returned to London to educate the children (she still has a house in
Los Angeles and returns there with the children in school holidays).
Newly single and living in Primrose Hill, Fielding found her life
beginning to converge with that of her alter ego once more and an idea
for a new book began to take shape. It wasn’t until she actually
started writing that she realised the novels voice was Bridget’s.
“Because that is the voice I naturally write in, I suppose. The most
fun in a way. Like an old friend.” For a long time, she didn’t tell
anyone what she was doing. “I had to write it from the outside in, not
with an awareness of what people might want to read,” she explains.
“I didn’t want it to become a parody of itself.” Fielding had not
felt that she had anything to say especially, but having started
writing, she realised how much she did. And so the new, more bruised,
Bridget Jones came to life: a born-again singleton re- entering the
murky waters of looking for a man (the book's working title was Born
Again Virgin).
In the years since she wrote The Edge of Reason,
Fielding — who will say no more than that she is currently
having a “very nice time” back in the dating game — has been collecting observations
(“funny, stupid things that make me laugh”) in her diary. Like the
fact that there are 75 pages of self — help books on Amazon; like the
expression “man-whore”; like the way modern parenting can sometimes
resemble “a corporate exercise”; like the addictive, time-wasting
opportunities of social media; like the fact that most modern dating is
done over the internet. “The world today is an entirely different
place to the world I wrote about all those years ago,” Fielding
whispers, wide-eyed. “It’s almost overwhelming.”
Albeit unwittingly, Fielding has become a spokesperson for modern
womanhood. “In away, she has been the best sort of girlfriend to every
woman who has read and loved her books,” says the actress Helena
Bonham Carter. “She would always want to be seen as naturally poised
and perfect and beautiful and sexy — and she is, all of those things
— but she also makes it OK to be imperfect. Actually, it’s better
than that. She’s like a human antidepressant — she makes
imperfection a virtue. And, let’s face it, it’s much better to be
liked than perfect.”
Fielding and Bonham Carter, who first met in Los Angeles in the late
Nineties when they were both, according to Bonham Carter, “sad,
single, overworked Bridget Jones figures,” had children of the same
sexes at almost the same time and spend a great deal of time together.
“Only problem is, we are so happy together that we regularly forget
that we are mothers and lose our children in the park,” sighs Bonham
Carter. “Quite a lot of the book is about how hard motherhood can feel
sometimes,” Fielding admits. “Bridget wants parenting to be like an
Italian fantasy — eating dinner under a tree while the children run
happily around in the warm night air — but the reality is much harder. The thing she has to keep reminding
herself is that she has at least kept them alive.”
On Fielding’s laptop are folder upon folder of topics and
observations: “Texts”, “Kids”, “Nits”, “Men Obsession”,
“Break-up”, “Smugs”, “Older Child Rearing”,
“List-making”. “List-making!” she laughs. “Takes over my life.
My diary is full of all these insane lists of Things To Do, not arranged
in any sort of sensible priority: ‘Respond to zombie apocalypse’;
‘Why is fridge making that noise?’; ‘Finish second draft of
book’; ‘Go to toilet’...” When she talks about her book (the
reception of which she is “trying to stay Zen about”) Fielding looks
visibly happy. “I’ve really, really enjoyed this one,” she admits.
“Maybe it’s because I’m older, or maybe it’s because I’m a
parent now. I can’t sit and navel-gaze for hours on end because
there’s always a child that has got their foot stuck or something.”
She still worries though. All the time. “The other day a woman came up
to me and said that she hoped she looked as good as I do when she got to
my age. I felt really pleased and then I thought, ‘Hang on! How old
does she think I am?’”
The topic she returns to, time and time again, is the precariousness of
perfection. “Nobody’s life is perfect and today, more than ever, I
think women are under a huge pressure to be something, achieve
something, look like something. We are all constantly constructing a
facade. If there was one thing I could say to my younger self, it would
be ‘Stop worrying! It’s all going to be fine.’ But the irony is
that I still do. And that’s what I love about Bridget. Bridget is just
an ordinary person, a flawed human being who muddles along and still,
despite the blows, manages to find the lightness in life. ‘Hurrah!’
is what she says. It is all going to be all right.”
I’m
not sure that Helen Fielding — who is not Bridget Jones, you
understand — should sell that house in Los Angeles any time soon. I
have a feeling she’s going to need a refuge from the hype all over
again.
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