Bridget Jones's Movie Diary

By Helen Fielding

Helen Fielding 2001

7.00pm. Am definitely not going to have anything to eat during movie. Is completely unnecessary as mind occupied elsewhere. Also movie snacks potentially un-nourishing and calorie filled.

7.05pm. Really fancy some pop-corn though.

7.06pm. Actually when think about it - pop-corn is not fattening at all. Is vegetable (or fruit maybe?) Is nourishing - like eating vegetable.

7.07pm. Actually might lose weight through eating pop-corn as hand to mouth plus chewing motion will probably use up more calories than provided by nourishing popped-vegetable snack.

7.15pm. Cannot believe what has just happened. Eventually got to front of queue and asked lithe young Benicio Del Toro style whippersnapper serving snacks for tasty popped vegetable low calorie snack (ie large pop-corn with butter) and lithe youth seemed strangely enraptured by self, staring into eyes and finally saying, as handed over vegetable snack "There you go, beautiful. You've got beautiful eyes."

7.20pm. Hmm. Though maybe he only said "beautiful eyes" so as to draw attention away from size of thighs.

7.21 pm. Though come to think of it, could not see thighs behind counter - so obviously was pure compliment (though did put a tip in plastic see-through box - but sure was not cynical financially motivated compliment).

7.40pm. Mmmm pop-corn is delicious - also nourishing and slimming. Snack bar whippersnapper delicious also. I mean why should not a younger man fancy an older woman?

7.43pm. Feel like drink (soft). Definitely need drink as helps to replenish bodily fluids and aids weight loss in natural fashion. Will go and get drink from snack bar.

7.45pm. Oh, though maybe if go back to whippersnapper on snacks counter in middle of film will think am being too forward and throwing self at him. Also will think have unfurnished mind, unable to concentrate on movie without ordering more and more snacks. Maybe should wait for whippersnapper to make first move. Man needs to pursue.

7.50pm. Really thirsty though.

8.00pm. Is ridiculous not to be able to go and get desired drink for fear that snack bar whippersnapper will think am being too forward. Am simply requesting drink. Asking for needs to be met.

8.05pm. In loos. Not doing full make-up. Just touch up. Ugh - hate stark, unforgiving, downward lighting. Really feel law should be passed to enforce that all ladies' loos have soft back-lit lighting in order to improve national morale and family values (as more easy to form relationships if feel confident about self).

8.35pm. OK have finished make-up now. Am going to just casually ask for popcorn and diet coke (then whippersnapper will sense that care about own body).

8.50pm. Cannot believe what has just happened. Got to snack bar and whippersnapper had vanished. Instead was hideous anorexic-teenage model style 18 year old Cameron Diaz look-alike who said, when asked for pop-corn with butter - "Mmm butter. Lucky you. I can't wait till I get to your age so I don't need to bother any more."